Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 10 USERS: A-
Let's Go LARPing With The Hardy Boys!

In a tastefully appointed upstairs parlor, Fake Drag-Queen Raoul shakily orders the trio of murderous brats to show themselves right this instant. The evil wraiths immediately comply, and Fake Drag-Queen Raoul manages to guilt-trip them long enough to loosen, somewhat, their hold on the hotel's points of egress. Blubber and The Brain somehow squeeze through a crack in the front door, but everything goes to hell when Fake Drag-Queen Raoul's Blackberry belches out her obnoxious ringtone. Downstairs, the front door slams shut against Darling Sammy's remarkably broad back, while up in the parlor, the murderous brats set their sights on Fake Drag-Queen Raoul. DUN! Dean, equipped with a cast-iron fire poker out in the hallway, rolls his eyes and spins around through the parlor's entrance. Brandishing his poker, he orders Fake Drag-Queen Raoul to run, then prepares to whack the obnoxious little murderous brats clear into the next METAL TEETH CHOMP!

Gore Orphanage Cemetery. Immediate aftermath. Blubber and The Brain strain to unearth the proper sets of bones in a reasonable amount of time, but The Brain's already worked himself to exhaustion, and he goes all Corpse Desecration Barbie on the audience's collective ass to whine, "Gravedigging is hard! I'm gonna throw up!" Blubber offers him a few kind words of encouragement, and they've soon redoubled their efforts just as...

...the murderous brats telekinetically fling Dashing El Deano against a wall! "VIOLENCE!" shrieks Raoul. "WANTON ACTS OF UNREPENTANT DEAN-FLINGING VIOLENCE!" and what happened to your rules, my scaly friend? "I've thrown them away for this episode! VIOLENCE! VIOLENCE!" Unfortunately for Raoul and his hastily discarded rules, Darling Sammy bounds into the tastefully appointed parlor in the nick of time, retrieves Dean's dropped cast-iron fire poker from the floor, whips the iron bar through the little beasties' bodies, and the Hell-sent moppets instantly dissolve into a gigantic spray of gooey ghost bits. Our Intrepid Heroes take a moment to congratulate each other, but their triumph is short-lived, for the rapidly reappearing murderous brats have just telekinetically flung Darling Sammy against a wall! "VIOLENCE! VIOLENCE!"

Down in the ballroom, The Prophet's regaling his by-now-thoroughly-bored audience with the sordid tale of his lost virginity -- the next day at school, his girlfriend told everyone "it didn't count" -- when the desk clerk from earlier rises to leave. Chuck screams at the guy not to open the door, but the desk clerk just rolls his eyes and continues on his merry way, of course breaking the thick line of salt Our Intrepid Heroes had so thoughtfully laid down before the last commercial break, in the process summoning one of the murderous little brats, who now smilingly menaces the desk clerk with his knife. Chuck, thinking fast -- and for some reason accompanied by that familiar ch-ch-ch-cha! sound cue from The Six Million Dollar Man -- upends his mike stand and, charging the back of the ballroom, rips the cast-iron base of the thing through the little beastie's body. The Hell-sent moppet instantly dissolves into a gigantic spray of gooey ghost bits, but more importantly, Becky The Wincesting Fangirl's panties have instantly dissolved into a gigantic spray of... "Demian, please!" What? "I just ate!" Ah. My profuse apologies, friend of friends, but you should know that Becky The Wincesting Fangirl is now just as smitten with The Prophet Chuck as she had been with Darling Sammy and his remarkably healthy chest, if not more so. "Okay!" And just as Chuck orders the LARPing fanboys to resalt the ballroom doors...

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