WHY IS SHE STILL ALIVE? DIE! WHY WON'T SHE DIE?!

Action Sammy eavesdrops on the ENDLESS TALKING from the far side of the motel room door.

DIE! DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...oh, hooray! Action Sammy's kicked down the motel room door and, after Teen Emma allows the skin around her eyes to flush blood-red for an instant, he plugs her full of holes. Drunky El Deano is shocked and appalled. Action Sammy is steely-jawed and sweaty. And Dead Emma is dead. FINALLY. With that, Our Intrepid Heroes hastily decamp to motor on over to...

...The Haghouse, where they presumably hope to kill even more Amazons, but alas! When they arrive, they find The Haghouse utterly deserted -- likely because someone tipped the remaining Amazons off about that great, big Charlene-shaped corpse Stupid Sammy left cooling on the university floor. I would hope this means we're never going to see this awful show's awful version of the Amazons ever again, but I know better by now. And on that decidedly depressing and somber note, we enter this evening's final commercial break once again most dreadfully CHOMP!-less.

Crapped-Out Buick. Denouement. And as the thoroughly unpleasant and unnecessarily shouty conversation that follows once again centers around both that damnable Dead Amy and how pathetic Our Intrepid Heroes have become over the course of the last season or so, I'll pretty much ignore the entire thing. You can thank me later.

Next week's episode is entitled "Plucky Pennywhistle's Magic Menagerie," so if you, like Darling Sammy, suffer from crippling attacks of coulrophobia, you'd best be advised to avoid it entirely. As far as everybody else goes, I'll see you then. Have fun!

Demian now returns to the 72nd Precinct, where he will badger the desk sergeant until he receives satisfaction. Raoul remains missing. You may reach the former at demian_twop@yahoo.com. The latter is an imaginary gay dragon on the Internet.