The Slice Girls

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 6 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys Really Need To Wrap That Shit Up

Lair Of The Vampire Lady. Drunky El Deano knocks at the front door. Vampire Lady answers. Awkwardness ensues. Eventually, Vampire Lady admits she did indeed find Dead Bobby's flask, and while she was tempted to throw the battered old thing out, she held onto it for whatever reason, and would Drunky El Deano like it now? He would, thank you very much, and he trails after her as she retreats into The Lair to rummage through a couple of drawers. Needless to say, Drunky El Deano's quite surprised to note that Vampire Lady's got a year-old tot stashed away in her dining room. "You've been babysitting?" he wonders. "No," Vampire Lady flatly replies. "Yours?" Drunky El Deano guesses before going on to marvel, "You didn't tell me you had a little girl!" "There's probably all kinds of things we didn't tell each other," Vampire Lady acidly remarks. Drunky El Deano's oblivious to her tone, though, because he's by now crossed through the rooms to croon and smile at the child, the latter of whom reels about her suspiciously spare little crib like an inebriated lunatic. The tot is, of course, the newborn Emma from a couple of scenes ago, but barely has the audience had a chance to process this thrilling development when Dean's cell chirps, and it's Sam, calling to demand Dean's presence at the coroner's office for yet another conference regarding their current case. Dean would offer a snappy response to his brother's request, I'm sure, were it not for the fact that Wee Emma chooses this very moment to bleat, "Who's that guy in the other room?" Dean cocks a deeply suspicious eyebrow in the general direction of his erstwhile paramour's tiny prodigy before too-calmly informing Sam that he'll be missing their meeting, after which he hangs up and stares at Wee Emma some more.

Back at This Week's Motel Room, Sam sighs, shrugs himself into his jacket, and darts off to...

...the crime lab, where Coroner Boy fills him in on the particulars of yet another extremity-free victim until Detective Charlene barges in to wonder why the FBI's chosen to involve itself in this specific case. Dapper Sam, clearly unprepared for the question, hems and haws and stammers and stutters and flails his arms around in the air for a good fifteen minutes until Coroner Boy offers him an easy out by stating, "I just figured it was the similarity to the other cold cases." "If it's the same killer," Coroner Boy goes on to suggest, "then he crossed state lines, which would bring you guys in." Dapper Sam readily agrees, but Detective Charlene obviously remains unsatisfied with this explanation, and she curtly orders them both to wrap things up, pronto, as her department has better things to do with its time. With that, Detective Charlene spins on her well-shod heel to stomp on out of there, and when Dapper Sam makes "Bitch crazy!" eyes at Coroner Boy, the latter sighs, "You get used to her."

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