The Slice Girls

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 6 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys Really Need To Wrap That Shit Up

And with all that out of the way, Dapper Sam inquires after those mysterious cold cases Coroner Boy just mentioned. Coroner Boy hands over the extensive files he's been maintaining, then notes something curious that all of the victims, current and past, had in common: Each had indulged in a one-night stand in the days leading up to his murder. Dun-dun-DUN!

Meanwhile, Drunky El Deano's parked his crapped-out Buick about three houses down from Vampire Lady's front door, and from this extremely conspicuous hiding place, he watches as a carload of middle-aged hags pulls up to The Lair. Two of the women disembark, foremost amongst them the lead hag from that earlier birth scene, and they proceed into Vampire Lady's apartment just as Darling Sammy calls with news of Coroner Boy's cold cases, and here's where I pretty much totally stopped caring about this stupid episode. Why, I hear you ask? Because Coroner Boy's files detail a similar series of murders in Chicago two years ago, with an identical string in Miami two years before that, with the obvious implication being that this sort of thing has been occurring once every two years for a very, very long time, which immediately makes me wonder why no one on this goddamned show has ever mentioned any of this before, and even though I already know the answer to that question is, "Because the writers just pulled this dumb story about Amazons and their bizarre mating habits out of their collective ass this week," it still -- still -- pisses me off to the point that I completely disengage from whatever happens next. And, you know, I wasn't all that engaged with tonight's installment to begin with. God, this show sucks.

ANY-way, where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: So, Sam dumps all of the above information into Dean's lap, then adds that every one of the current set of victims met his final one-night stand in The Cobalt Room. Drunky El Deano's all, "Yes, yes, very nice, gotta go," and hangs up to glare through a pair of binoculars as Vampire Lady and The Hags lead the now ten-year-old Emma from The Lair to the car. "I hate when this happens!" Dean grumps for absolutely no reason at all, and with that, he keys the crapped-out Buick's ignition to follow The Hags' automobile as it motors off towards...

...some anonymous alleyway downtown. Dean parks his crapped-out Buick all of seven feet behind The Hags and audibly seethes as The Hags lead Emma through a side door into their Haghouse.

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