When a trio of small-town police officers starts dropping dead in a variety of inventive and intensely gruesome ways, Our Intrepid Heroes motor on over to nonexistent Easter, Pennsylvania, to try to figure out what's going on. Super-Smart Sammy quickly realizes the deaths have much in common with the Biblical plagues of Egypt, what with the throat-choking boils and the brain-eating locusts and such, so Dashing El Deano summons My Sweet Baboo down from Heaven for a consult. The fact that Castiel flutters down immediately upon receiving Dean's page of course irritates Sam, who you'll recall tried and failed several times to speak with everyone's favorite TV angel after his miraculous off-screen resurrection, but Castiel basically announces he hasn't the time to deal with the boys' angst-laden bullshit, and the three soon get down to business.
Seems last season's abortive Apocalypse has left Heaven both leaderless and rudderless, and the angelic coalitions that have since formed around Castiel and his old antagonist, Raphael, are on the verge of a civil war. Not helping matters is the fact that several rogue angels have absconded with many of Heaven's most powerful weapons, which is where the Egyptian plagues come in, for The Staff Of Moses was among the first weapons to go missing. A little detective work reveals that the three dead cops riddled an African-American suspect with bullets, then planted a gun on the corpse to make the incident look like a clean shooting. So, the boys plus Castiel flutter on over to the dead kid's former home, where the dead kid's younger brother threatens them with a sawed-off fragment of Moses's disco stick, for which he traded his soul to the angel Balthazar so he might avenge his brother's death.
Castiel easily enough relieves the misguided kid of the weapon, then flutters himself with the boys over to Balthazar's palatial digs somewhere else within the continental United States (I'm guessing), where the two angels have a little heart-to-heart about something I totally didn't pay attention to while Sam and Dean attempt to fight off Raphael and his minions. Unfortunately, while the minions are soon dispatched, Raphael manages to battle his way into Balthazar's, and things are looking pretty grim, indeed, for My Sweet Baboo until Balthazar whips out another of Heaven's purloined super-weapons and turns Raphael's vessel into a pillar of salt. Which was pretty kick-ass, if you ask me.
And in the end, Castiel flutters back up to Heaven to rally his troops again, some more, leaving Sam and Dean to yak away at each other back at the Impala over the changes to Sam's personality since he rose from the depths of Hell. Of course, the chatter resolves absolutely nothing, but it might become important later in the season, so, you know: Make a note of it.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter THEN! Something sprang Darling Sammy out of Hell over a year ago, but because Darling Sammy didn't bother to inform Dashing El Deano of his return topside until the season premiere, Dashing El Deano worked his big-boy man-panties into a tremendous wad and yelled at everyone, after which Bendy Lisa told him to take a hike, so Dashing El Deano yanked Metallicar out of storage and hit the road. Also, as you'll no doubt recall, My Sweet Baboo had rather a complicated relationship with The Archangel Raphael -- the latter of whom, when last we saw him, was trapped for all eternity in a flaming circle of holy oil. Or, you know, until he mojo'd that rattrap they'd left him in to the ground, after which he could presumably have clambered over the wreckage to freedom. Your choice. And at the end of last season, after the abortive Apocalypse, Castiel fluttered back up to Heaven to kick truculent angelic ass now and take traitorous angelic names later, for My Sweet Baboo is, at heart, one mean motherfucker.
Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! Cop Shop Locker Room. As one surely imperiled officer of the law ambles on in from the outside to fetch his jacket, his equally imperiled partner loiters at the sinks, rinsing his face one last time before heading out for that evening's shift. Unfortunately for The Imperiled Partner, his careful ablutions seem to have opened up a pair of shaving nicks on either side of his face, and -- even more unfortunately for The Imperiled Partner -- when he lifts his fingers to apply pressure to the cut on his right, his hand basically turns into a Spanish Tickler, and he strips a four-inch slice of fresh meat from his cheek. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, writhing about atop his overstuffed armchair with amounts of delight both copious and profuse, so gleeful is he to receive so much of the good stuff so early in the episode. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The Soon-To-Be-Dead Partner allows that initial clump of bloody, mangled flesh to slop wetly onto the porcelain below before whispering a panicked, "What the Hell?" at his reflection and backing away from the mirror with a couple of slow and horrified steps made even slower and more horrific by the fact that he appears to be leaving the soles of his feet behind him. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Meanwhile, some grue-filled abscess on his back chooses this very moment to erupt, and now a positive river of blood is coursing down the back of his white t-shirt. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Honey, at least try to take a breath -- you're going to pass out. Again. "I can't help it!" shrieks Raoul. "It's just...! It's so...! It makes me...! GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!"
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