Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 2 USERS: A+
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The Hardy Boys Wanna Take a Ride on Your Disco Stick

And while Raoul shrieks himself into a barely conscious tizzy, "Gerry" The Soon-To-Be-Dead Cop manages to spin around to face his gape-jawed partner and burble, "I think I'm bleeding!" through a mouthful of liquefying gum tissue and loose teeth. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" With that, Gerry's eyes roll back into his head, and he drops out of the frame for the -- wait for it -- SPLAT! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" The camera focuses in on the light spray of blood now soiling The Partner Of Gerry's shoes before tracking along the linoleum to land on...the rapidly congealing puddle of rendered guts where Dead Gerry used to be! "EEEEEEEEEEEEE! GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! EEEEEEEEEEEEE! GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! EEEEEEEeeeeee...!!!" We're barely sixty-eight seconds into the episode proper, and Raoul's already passed out from all of the excitement. "Glalalalalalalalaalalalallaaallaaaah!" That's got to be some kind of record. "Glalalaaaaaah!" And I'm sure the shrieks of Dead Gerry's Partner would be almost as impressive as Raoul's at this juncture, were they not swallowed up by the...

...Tinkle, Tinkle RAAAWWWR! Good thing Raoul's not awake to witness the pathetic Season Six title card this week. "Glalalaaaaaah!" I'm not sure if you remember this, but he pretty much hates it. "GlalalaaaaACK!"

Shirtless Dean slumbers peacefully beneath his expensive-looking duvet at New New Bendy Estates, so we know this is a pointless dream sequence almost as soon as it begins, so long story short, Bendy Lisa wakes him up, and they do it. Of note: Dream Dean lacks the seared-in Hand Of Castiel he'd been sporting on his shoulder ever since My Sweet Baboo gripped him tight and raised him from Perdition all those many years ago. Now that I think about it, he's probably also missing that Demon-B-Gon tattoo in this dream sequence, but the camera never gives us a good enough look at his chest to confirm that. And God knows I rewound several times to make sure. "Glalalaa -- DIRTY! -- lalaaah!" Anyway, an insistent heartbeat soon overwhelms the soundtrack, and Dean...

...snaps awake in the front seat of the Impala, just as a semi screams past! He'd parked himself off the side of the road for a little shut-eye, you see, and is now most thoroughly discombobulated by the sleepy-time vision of Bendy Lisa his brain just barfed out at him. Or something like that.

Meanwhile, Darling Sammy is also shirtless. And doing push-ups. And sit-ups. And chin-ups. And just when I'm about to Glalalaaaaaah my way into my very own Coma Of Overexcitement, a floozy hoochies her way out of the bathroom of This Week's Motel Room to strumpet, "Last night was, um...a high point, if you don't mind me saying." Shirtless Sweaty Sam simply passes her a couple of hundreds, so I'm guessing the floozy is actually a whore. "Right!" Shirtless Sweaty Sam's streetwalker sparkles. "I almost forgot!" And as that is far too ridiculous and asinine and stupid for me to deal with so early in the episode, I'll be skipping past it to note that she then goes on to offer him a freebie the next time he's in town, and as that is even more ridiculous and asinine and STUPID for me to deal with so early in the episode, I'll be skipping past it to note that she then leaves. Bye-bye, dimwit! Fortunately for my sanity, Sam's cell chirps at this moment, and it's Dean, calling to note that he's "about eight hours out of the Campbell base." "Change of plans," still-shirtless Sam announces. "I need you to meet me -- I'm in P-A, a town called 'Easter.'" Which does not exist, apparently, but we'll go with it for now. Still-Shirtless Sam abruptly snaps shut his cell, so Dean grumbles a bit about how bossy Sam's become over the last year or so, but he does climb into the Impala with his breakfast from Burger Heaven to head out towards the Interstate, so I guess he doesn't really have a problem with it. Until, you know, we hit the end of the episode, where Dean will throw an enormous, pissy-pantsed tantrum about it all, but we can ignore that bridge when we get to it, because...

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Supernatural

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