Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 2 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Spew Blasphemous Profanities

Crackle, crackle THEN! There will be no hypertext linking to appropriate recaps of episodes past this evening, because the THEN! sequence -- despite its admittedly titanic awesomeness -- is comprised of a quick-cut montage of fake credit cards and borrowed identities and other LIES the LYING LIARS WHO LIE told over the course of the first season. The cumulative effect of it all is hysterical, both in the sense that it is funny and in the sense that any attempt at recovering links for it all would send me into a weeping nervous breakdown from which I'd not likely recover for months. So. As pilot-vintage Sam sniffs, "You still running credit card scams?" Dean snaps down a MasterCard issued to Kris Warren, then flops down another issued to Hector Aframian, before Sam himself passes one issued to a "Mr. Berkovitz." And then it speeds up even faster as one or the other of the boys proceeds to introduce themselves as "federal marshals," "Environmental Studies majors," "Father Simmons," "U.S. Wildlife Service," "Nigel Tufnel," "Dr. Jerry Kaplan," "reporters," "art dealers," "rangers," "students," "fraternity brothers," and, finally, "Homeland Security." Very nice to see Father Simmons and Father Frehley again, I must note. We then get a brief reminder of the central plot points from "Skin," including Dean blasting a couple of holes into his doppelganger before wistfully ruing the missed opportunity to attend his own funeral. Got all that? Good.

Crackle, crackle NOW! Two uniformed cops frog-march a handcuffed perp down a precinct hallway as the words "Baltimore, Maryland" materialize at the bottom of the screen. The camera tracks them for a bit before passing itself off onto another uniform heading in the opposite direction. It then leaps onto a third on her way somewhere else until it catches sight of infamous show-killer Jason Gedrick, whose most recent victims include Boomtown, North Shore, LAX, and Windfall. You'd think he would have had the decency to pop up on Charmed, oh, three goddamned years ago to put that assy mess out of our misery once and for all, but no! He has to wait until I assume recapping responsibilities for a show I actually enjoy watching, thereby forcing me to start the Death Clock on Supernatural right about...now. In any event, Gedrick here plays Detective Peter Sheridan, and the fact that he shares a surname with The Best Policewoman In The History Of Forever does not bode well for this evening's festivities. And I promise not to make any further references to Charmed for the rest of the evening. Well, unless Linda Blair pops up in a shredded-Muppet crop-top with matching arm warmers over a pair of low-slung cooter pants. ANY-way. "Under what name?" Sheridan grunts into his cell phone, toting a cup of coffee on his way over to the precinct's fax machine. "Oh, yeah," he smirks, "that's my favorite so far." He sets down his mug to snatch an official-looking piece of paper from the fax, spots something unsettling inscribed thereupon, and blurts, "I gotta call you back," to the person on the other end of the line.

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Supernatural

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