Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 2 USERS: B-
The Hardy Boys Spew Blasphemous Profanities

Sam chooses not to notice the massive production error staring him in the face and instead opts to retrieve an EMF reader from his jacket pocket. After explaining its function to dim Linda, Sam's ears perk up when the thing goes, "VWREEEE-yorp!" the instant he approaches the wall. The next thing we know, darling Sammy's snatched up a crowbar to beat that wall like a red-headed stepchild. Named Scully. Once a small hole's been opened, Sammy pokes his flashlight into the void beyond and confirms there's something disgusting lingering behind the bricks. "You know, this is bothering me," he admits, now pounding the mortar with his elbow while Linda holds up the flashlight. "I mean, no vengeful spirit we've ever tussled with wanted to be wasted, so why the hell would [Creepy Blonde] Claire [Woman] lead us to her remains?" Sam's elbow has finally smashed an opening large enough to haul something disgusting through. In this case, it's a canvas-wrapped, tightly bound corpse. Sam whips out a switchblade to slice away the cords, and soon enough, we're staring at Claire Becker's mummified remains. Linda first notices that Corpse Claire's wrists are bound in a manner that would result in the pattern of her own bruising. More importantly, Linda then notices the necklace still hanging from Corpse Claire's neck. It's a custom-made piece from a shop "over on Carson Street." Linda, in fact, has one just like it! "[Detective Show Killer] gave it to me." DUN! Also: METAL TEETH CHOMP!

Back from the break, Sam's leapt from the corpse's side to perform a giddy little pee-pee dance of deductive-reasoning glee. You see, he's figured it all out: "Claire's not a vengeful spirit, she's a death omen!" Linda, on behalf of the audience, is all, "A death in the what, now?" so Sam elaborates. "Claire's not killing anyone. She's trying to warn them. You see, sometimes spirits don't want vengeance, they want justice, which is why she led us here in the first place -- she wants us to know who her killer is." Linda's face falls. "Well, you know," Raoul notes, "further than it's fallen thus far over the course of her 'career.'" Raoul! Shame on you! She's one of the most engaging guest actresses they've has thus far this season! How could you be so ageist? "Glass houses," Raoul testily replies. Again, I think I hate it when Raoul has a point. Anyway, Sam delicately inquires, "Detective, how much do you know about your partner?" "Oh, my God," Linda breathes, suddenly realizing something. About a year ago, you see, a stash of heroin went missing from Lockup, and everyone knew it was an inside job, but no one could figure out who, precisely, was responsible. However, logic dictates that whomever was responsible would require a fence -- a fence like the late, unlamented Claire Becker. Linda gapes. D'OH!

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