Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 2 USERS: B-
The Hardy Boys Spew Blasphemous Profanities

Somewhere deep in rural wilds surrounding Baltimore, Detective Show Killer's transporting the "extradited" Dean to St. Louis himself in a big county police van, and no one at the precinct would have allowed this to happen, because not only has Dean not been arraigned on anything at all, even after that arraignment he would then have to waive extradition, and since none of that can happen overnight FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, and because there are five and a half minutes left in this episode, I'm going to skip this scene and its ludicrous premise entirely, okay? Good. MOVING ON.

Linda's Non-Metallicar Car. Linda gets off the phone with the precinct to pass along the bad news regarding Dean's improbable disappearance with Detective Show Killer. Action Sammy quickly realizes that if Show Killer's piloting a county van, all they need do is activate the van's LoJack, and they'll find Dean.

County Van Of SHUT UP, Supernatural. Detective Show Killer pulls the thing over to the side of the unpaved rural road mere minutes from downtown Baltimore and keys off the ignition. He then yanks Dean out of the back and shoves his prisoner into an ungainly sprawl on the ground, whereupon Detective Show Killer slides his automatic from his belt and, aiming it at Our Intrepid Hero's head, prepares to become Detective Dean Killer. Just then, Linda and Sam pop up from out of nowhere. "Put the gun down!" Linda demands, pointing her own in Detective Show Killer's direction. Long, long story short, Detective Show Killer confesses to everything, all but ending his tiresome speech with, "And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids!" Claire was indeed his fence, Tony Giles laundered the cash, Karen found herself guilty by association, and so, they all needed to die. "[Linda] please," Detective Show Killer pleads, "I still love you." Linda slowly lowers her weapon. "Thank you," Show Killer offers before returning his attention to Dean. The second his eyes have left hers, though, Linda blows a hole in Show Killer's leg. "Then why don't you," Linda seethes, advancing upon him in a delayed yet furious reply to his protestations of continued affection, "buy me another necklace, you ass!" Show Killer, who'd been writhing around in the dirt in pain, unexpectedly lunges to tackle her, wrestling her gun out of her hands as he goes. He hauls himself back up onto his good leg and, ridiculously hopping around, waves the weapon first at Sam, then at Dean, all the while shouting, "Don't do it!" As he advances upon Linda to pump her full of lead, however, Linda and Sam's shared expression of shock at something beyond Show Killer's right shoulder compels him to spin around to find...Creepy Blonde Claire Woman, glowering at him from beside the van! Detective Show Killer, paralyzed with what I'm assuming is fear, stands and gapes long enough for Linda to blast a hole through his chest with his own gun. Our Intrepid Heroes gulp at each other while Linda somewhat disbelievingly stares at the rapidly cooling corpse of her psychotic ex-boyfriend until everyone disappears into the final METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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