"DEATH TO SHE WHO WOULD HARM DEAN'S JUNK!" That's rather an uncharacteristically indelicate way for you to put that, don't you think? "DEATH!" Happily for Dean, Raoul, and, oh, everyone in the audience, Our Intrepid Hero thinks fast and -- get this -- punches the little girl in the face! "VIOLENCE!" howls Raoul, clapping his perfectly manicured paws together in a rapture of ecstatic delight. "WANTON ACTS OF UNREPENTANT VIOLENCE DIRECTED AT SNIVELING LITTLE BRATS AND GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" The hateful little would-be junk-slasher goes down like a French prize fighter, and while it's all very gratifying in the extreme, what happens next is far more important to the plot, so we'll leave the now-unconscious monster buried face-first in a pile of garbage where she belongs and join Dean as he slowly spins around to find "CROATOAN" smeared against a distant wall in five-foot-high letters of blood. "Oh, crap!" Dean mutters with his typical flair for understatement, but barely have those words flown from his mouth when a dozen bedraggled rage zombies appear at the far end of the alleyway. D'OH! Dean sprints in the opposite direction, and the camerawork goes all 28 Days Later as the rage zombies chase after him, and Jensen Ackles at full tear is a sight everybody should enjoy at least once before they die, but it's looking pretty grim indeed for Our Intrepid Hero when the rage zombies corner him up against a tall, barbed-wire-topped chain-link fence. Uh oh. Fortunately, The United States Army Reserve miraculously arrives at this, Dean's darkest moment of need, and proceeds to rip through every last rage zombie with a hail of gas-tipped slugs! "VIOLENCE! VIOLENCE! VIOLENCE! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" I'd warn Raoul he's in danger of passing out, but to be perfectly honest with you, so am I, because that's how awesome this sequence is, and it gets even more awesome when one of the grunts in the armored Humvee hits Play on the thing's dashboard, and The Contours' "Do You Love Me?" blares from the vehicle's side-mounted loudspeakers, and then it's simply an all-out orgy of gut shots and exploding heads and torsos and thighs ripped apart by machine guns and Raoul's hyperventilating and I'm yelling at the television set for him and Dean somehow manages to dive into a cellar for cover and the screen fades to black and Raoul's down for the count and I'm still screaming and the spent shell casings flying through the air and the music and the blood and that was FUCKING AWESOME.
Episode Report CardDemian: A- | 2015 USERS: B+
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