...Amy enters a motel room of her own to find Dean waiting for her in the shadows. DUN! And does anyone -- anyone -- really give a shit what these two talk about over the course of the subsequent fifty-six seconds? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Didn't think so. Long story short, Dean drives a hunting knife into Amy's chest, and she collapses against the bed, dead. Unfortunately, little Jacob had been standing in the doorway this entire time, and so was witness to everything. And then? Get this: Our Intrepid Moron lets the fucking kid go. I...I...I just can't with this crap anymore!

Meanwhile, back at The Whitefish Gas & Sip, that Leviathanically-enhanced customer service agent from what seems like an entire frigging lifetime ago confirms Sam's recent presence in the store thanks to a security tape now unspooling on the wall-mounted television set, and he reports the same to his boss via his cell before going on to promise that he'll continue tracking Our Intrepid Idiots across the country until he finds them. At the moment, though, he's feeling a bit peckish, so after he snaps shut his phone, he turns to the trussed-up clerk and confides, "You know what I find? Plain old people taste fine, but everything's better with cheese!" With that, he upends a percolating vat of molten convenience-store nacho cheese substitute over the trussed-up clerk's head, and as the hapless clerk shrieks and wails -- all the while off-camera in the most budget-friendly manner possible, I should note -- we finally cut to black.

I'm not even going to bother trying to wake Raoul for next week's promo. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" You're welcome. Next up is an episode entitled "Defending Your Life." Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure we won't be getting an amusing self-mocking cameo from Shirley MacLaine. See you then!

Demian knew this episode would suck, but he had no idea it would be this bad. Raoul remains blissfully unaware of the trauma. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" You may reach the former at demian_twop@yahoo.com. The latter is an imaginary gay dragon in a coma on the Internet.