There Will Be Blood

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 5 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Drink Your Milkshake! They Drink It Up!

I'll be keeping you updated, I'm sure.

So, where was I? Oh, yes: When the dripping is done, we fade up to find Richard Roman at his desk in SucroCorp's tackily-appointed world headquarters, rather disdainfully surrendering his body mike to one of Ms. Jane's associates as his ever-helpful personal assistant, Leviathan Susan -- whom we last saw with a gaping bullet wound in her head, if memory serves -- enters to announce his next appointment. She also sets a briefcase down in front of him, which he opens to find The Metatron Stone. The two exchange A Look Fraught With Significance, after which Leviathan Susan turns to leave, only to be brought up short when Richard Roman calls out, "Are we still looking for a rep in mainstream media?" "We are," Leviathan Susan confirms. "Wunderbar," Richard Roman replies, adding, "Put a replace order on Gloria, there." Leviathan Susan takes a moment to eye the freshly imperiled Ms. Jane, who's currently futzing about obliviously with her producer in the lobby, then wonders, "And with the corpse?" "Call Chef Fieri," Richard Roman suggests. "I feel like barbecue." DUN! Or, you know, not. I mean, it's not like we'll actually be witness to the unfortunate Ms. Jane's untimely demise this evening, because that would be -- oh, I don't know -- entertaining, and God knows we can't be having any of that sort of nonsense during tonight's episode, am I right?

Elsewhere, Richard Roman enters a conference room to find Leviathan Edgar keeping morose watch over that sniveling, snot-nosed teenager from last week, the latter of whom has been lashed to an ergonomically-correct chair with his mouth taped shut. Richard Roman rips the tape from the sniveling, snot-nosed teenager's mouth, and whining ensues, and long story short, Richard Roman orders the kid to translate The Metatron Stone now, or he'll kill and eat the kid's mother, who's currently being threatened with a very large knife in some remote cinderblock cellar, as we can see from the closed-circuit video feed Leviathan Edgar switches on at some point or another. Oh, and Richard Roman also volunteers to put in a good word for the kid with the Princeton admissions committee, but as I believe I noted in the recaplet: Fuck this shit. As demonstrated numerous times on this show -- and as will be demonstrated again later on in this very episode -- Richard Roman and all of his Leviathan underlings can access the contents of what's passing for Kevin Tran's brain -- including the translation he already wrote out for Our Intrepid Heroes -- simply by latching onto the kid's arm and morphing into him, so this entire scene is nothing more than a massive waste of our time. Next!

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