There Will Be Blood

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 7 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Drink Your Milkshake! They Drink It Up!

...This Week's Motel Room, where Our Idiot Morons busy themselves with a few last-minute preparations while The Vampire King's Child Bride watches a television program whose existence I will not be acknowledging in this recap. And as part of the aforementioned last-minute preparations, Dumbass El Deano places Dead Bobby's traveling flask in the room's safe while muttering, "You gotta hang here for your own good, capisce?" Invisible Dead Bobby does not capisce, thank you very much, which he indicates by angrily slamming shut a door. "Chill out, Bobby," Dean whispers, promising, "We'll be back soon." And with that, Our Idiot Morons depart, leaving a seething Dead Bobby alone with The Vampire King's Child Bride.

Out in the hall, Our Idiot Morons brush past a wee slip of a hotel maid, whom we know will become important later because the camera actually takes about fourteen minutes to linger on her face.

Meanwhile back in the room, The Vampire King's Child Bride whips out the cell phone Dimwit Sam left behind to give her undead lord and master a ring. DUN! "Hi, Daddy!" she rather creepily perks, much to Dead Bobby's consternation. "I'm close by," she adds, "sending you a present!" The Vampire King's Child Bride bubbles out into the hall, leaving Dead Bobby alone to fret and fume and watch yet another inane corporate puff piece masquerading as news on This Week's Motel Room's television until it's time for us to zip on over to...

...The Vampire Monastery, where Our Idiot Morons tippy-toe through the open front door to get their stupid yet tantalizing asses handed to them by a couple of just-appearing vampire underlings. D'OH!

This Week's Motel Room. Dead Bobby tries and fails to crack the combination on the room's safe until his flaring, incorporeal rage lashes out to destroy a number of the room's priceless midcentury antiques. The ungodly racket draws the attention of that hapless little maid from a couple of scenes ago, and as she enters the suddenly-freezing confines of the room proper to shiver and shake and wonder what the hell's going on, Dead Bobby materializes to tackle her to the ground, assuming possession of the woman's body as he does so. Dun-dun-DUN! A long moment passes, after which the Bobby-enhanced maid pulls herself up to wipe away an involuntary tear -- which is an inexplicably nice little touch -- before crossing to the safe, which she finally opens by entering Dead Bobby's birthday. The Bobby-enhanced maid then removes Dead Bobby's traveling flask and slides it into her apron, murmuring a few vague Roman-related threats to herself until she takes her leave of this episode for good. Would that the rest of us could do the same.

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