Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 4 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Schedule Vasectomies. Again.

New New Bendy Estates. Supremely Paranoid El Deano -- who'd been laying down salt lines along the windowsills, natch -- answers his chirping cell, and it's Hardly Heroic Sam, panicked, and calling to request Dean's immediate assistance. "I'm out, dude," Dean laconically replies. "Make an exception!" Sam hisses into his phone. "For what?" Dean asks. Sam directs his mighty bitchface into his rear-view mirror to glare at whatever he's got stowed away in the Charger's back seat, then vows, "Look, I'm thirty minutes away, and I will drive to your door if you don't meet me!" "And what's so nuts, you gotta threaten a drive-by?" Dean wonders. Sam tells him out of the audience's earshot, and Dean...wriggles his eyebrows around in mild surprise! DUN!

Somewhere remote, Dean parks his pickup in front of Sam's Charger, disembarks, and snaps, "Where is it?" "Strapped down in the back seat," Sam replies. Dean strides over to the Charger's rear passenger window, pokes his head inside, goggles, then straightens up to shoot Sam A Look. "Welcome to the party, Guttenberg!" Sam smirks. The camera finally -- finally -- darts inside the Charger to land upon...and adorable six-month-old infant! Wah. Wah. Waaaaaah! Also: METAL TEETH CHOMP!

New New Bendy Estates, early the following morning. Dean drills Bendy Lisa one last time on the proper care and feeding of a semiautomatic Glock and receives assurances she will keep the doors and windows well and truly salted while he's gone, then waffles about leaving her alone. "No offense," Bendy Lisa eyebrows, "but if you don't walk out that door, I'm gonna shoot you." Dean takes the hint, slings a duffle over his shoulder, snags his jacket from the stairwell banister, and leaves. Bendy Lisa looks down at the gun in her hand for a moment, then silently frets. They are so gonna break up at the end of the episode. "Demian! Spoiler!" Whatever. "Hee!"

Moments later, Dean's arrived for his super-secret assignation with Sam and The Fresh Infant. The boys chat about what they might possibly be up against this week because neither paid attention during the THEN!, after which Dean realizes they need to pick up some supplies. "I got an arsenal in the trunk," Sam duuuuuhs. "Not that kind," Dean double duuuuuhs, and with that, Our Intrepid Heroes speed off into...

...some wacky baby-related hijinks at the supermarket! Boudreaux's Butt Paste is carefully product-placed before Dean goes on a tear down the baby aisle. Bendy Lisa has a relatively new niece, you see, so Dean's acquired a bit of expertise in this area over the last year. He efficiently fills their shopping cart with disposable diapers, baby wipes, and the like until The Fresh Infant starts in with the low-key whining. "We gotta get moving," Dean grunts. "Waterworks in T-minus ten." Sam races up to the registers with The Fresh Infant while Dean -- wackily! -- loads up on the remaining items they'll need for the duration, but by the time Dean's reached the front of the store, The Fresh Infant has begun unleashing a series of full-throated wails. "Make it stop!" Sam spits. "How?" Dean bumbles back. "Everyone's staring at us like we're child abusers!" Sam bitchfaces. No, Sam, they're staring because there are two of you, which means that one of you can take your caterwauling brat out to the goddamned parking lot like a normal human being while the other settles the bill. The situation continues to deteriorate until a kindly little lady of a certain age stops by to coo, "Awwww! What's the matter?" Dean gawps at her, momentarily speechless. "What's his name?" the kindly lady prompts. Of course, Dean blurts "John" while Sam yelps "Bobby," so Our Intrepid Idiots mash the two together to end up with the atrocious "Bobby John," which makes the poor infant sound like he's some inbred hillbilly dirt-eater who's missing a chromosome or ten.

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Supernatural

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