When Darling Sammy receives a mysterious set of coordinates via text message from an anonymous source, Our Intrepid Heroes agree to hop over to Bristol, Rhode Island, where three suspiciously similar brunettes have gone missing over the last week or so. Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to either of them, Soulless Sammy had already been to Bristol a year ago with Zombie Grandpa to investigate a remarkably similar spate of disappearances, and barely has Metallicar grumbled through the city limits when Darling Sammy starts getting thrown into flashback after flashback of events from his forgotten past.
Of course, all of this freaks Dean right the hell out, because as you'll recall, they were warned that if Sam recovered any memory at all of the months his soulless body wreaked havoc upon the face of the earth while his soul chilled out downstairs in The Cage with Lucifer and Michael, it could destroy the wall Capital-D Death erected between Sam's soul and his brain (or whatever), thereby rendering Sam a drooling, twitching imbecile for all eternity. Or something like that. Sam, however, is determined to make amends for whatever sins his soulless self committed in his name over the last year and a half, and he insists they remain in Bristol until they figure everything out. With extreme amounts of reluctance, Dean agrees.
Naturally, what Soulless Sammy did all those many months ago is far worse than either of them could have imagined. Or, you know, so they would have us believe. Not only did he sleep his way through every toothsome brunette Bristol had to offer, he also apparently biffed the case he was there to solve in the first place. Turns out a spider-like beastie known as an "Arachne" blew into town on a breeding binge, and while Slutty Sam and Zombie Grandpa actually did manage to decapitate her, they mistakenly believed a gunshot or two to the head would take care of her hapless victims, whose numbers included Bristol's sheriff. Whom Soulless Sammy used as bait.
Unfortunately, last year's victims were too far along in the transformation process for mere bullets to have any effect on them, so Slutty Sam and Zombie Grandpa ended up accidentally unleashing a nest of human arachnids upon the unsuspecting population of southeastern New England. Those missing brunettes Sam and Dean are searching for? Turned, and by none other than Sheriff Monster Chow himself. Whoops.
In the end, though, Our Dear Boys do manage to take out the Spider-Cop, at least, and Sam seems to be no worse for the wear. Until the episode's final seconds, of course, when Death's shoddy wall completely collapses, tossing Sam's brain into a particularly vivid recollection of his first moments in Hell. Death should have hired an experienced contractor instead of half-assing that DIY crap we saw a couple of episodes ago, no?
Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter THEN! Death, as you'll no doubt recall, placed a "wall" between Darling Sammy's bruised and battered soul and his, uh, brain, I guess, to keep the soul's memories of The Cage at bay, lest our dear Ginormotron collapse into a quivering and somewhat sticky puddle of psychic trauma thanks to his soul's ill treatment at the hands of Lucifer and Michael. Unfortunately, that wall is also preventing Sam from remembering anything that happened after last season's finale, so Dreary El Deano must carefully tiptoe around various issues, lest those issues send Darling Sammy screaming straight towards a straitjacket. Alas, now that Captain Empathy's returned in all his damp, puppy-eyed glory, Darling Sammy's determined to make amends for the various terrible, horrible, no good, very bad crimes his soulless body perpetrated in his name over the last eighteen months, so all of Dean's careful tiptoeing seems doomed to fail. Makes you sort of think he should have just killed Darling Sammy outright, doesn't it?
Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW!, and it is my sad duty to inform you all that the NOW! is, once again, a LYING LIAR WHO LIES, for barely has it faded from view when the tattling title card at the bottom of the screen informs us we've arrived in Bristol, Rhode Island, "One Year Ago."
BAM! The blazing muzzle of an inky-black automatic fills the screen, and as the spent cartridge audibly plinks to the ground, the camera pans up the barrel of the gun to land on Soulless Sammy's beady-eyed furrow of a face. Blackout.
The camera focuses in on Zombie Grandpa's tormented expression as Soulless Sammy strides past in a blur to discharge his weapon three more times. No, not like that, you filthy-minded sickos. That sort of discharge comes later. "Dirty!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, and while it is indeed a pleasure to have you once again safely ensconced atop your overstuffed armchair after your adventure last week in Vancouver, friend of friends, I'm afraid I must insist you remain quiet during this tense-making opening sequence, as you've already thrown everything off its carefully constructed rhythm with that little interjection of yours, justified though that little interjection might have been. "Hmph!" And I'll ignore that second interruption from your faithful recapper's faithful recapping companion in order to focus on the gunshots like so: BAM! BAM! BAM! Blackout.