Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 1 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Camp Out

Tommy jolts awake just as Hailey is starting to think he's dead. They cut him down. Dean has found flare guns in the corner. They all smile; I contemplate watching something more exciting, like perhaps watching a video of myself in sweatpants on the couch typing on the computer. They meander. The monster growls. Sam is assigned to get Hailey and Ben out of the mine while Dean starts indulging in a bit too much tough talk. So the plan is to kill the monster with embarrassing line deliveries? That'll work, I guess. Dean: "It's chow time, you freaking bastard." Cringe. "Bring it on, baby." Crinnnnnggge. "I taste goood!" Oh for love of all that is good and holy, I am cowering over here. But no, he refuses to put me out of my misery, and follows it all up with, "Hey! Hey, you want some white meat, bitch?" "......"

And that was the sound of silence that followed my actual death from mortification. I am dead now. Dean continues with the yelling, Sam and the other three continue with the boring meandering. Sam makes the three leave while he stays behind with his trusty flare gun. Growling. More growling. Sam turns his head and sees a skinny elfin monster yawning its yap and screaming at him. He shoots at it with the gun, but misses. Sam catches up with the three orphans and shepherds them toward the entrance. Meanwhile, the speed demon isn't so speedy as it lopes along behind them, causing Hailey to scream in fear. Dean hears the commotion and heads toward it. Dead end. The Wen-DEE-go creeps slowly toward them, the better to let Dean come up behind it and shoot it full of flames. Everybody is all smiles. Except me, that is.

Outside the visitors center, Sam and Ben lie to the police about being attacked by "a grizzly bear." Hailey tells Dean she doesn't know how to thank him, and he waggles his eyebrows lewdly. She asks, "Must you cheapen the moment?" and then leans in to kiss him before turning around to hop in the ambulance with her sad orphan brother. Dean quips, "Man, I hate camping," and then reassures Sam that they'll find their Dad. Sam says, "I know. But in the meantime? I'm driving." Sure, if you mean driving me crazy. Thanks, I'll be here all night. Because I'm dead and it's sort of hard to move.

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