Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 1 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Camp Out

The ranger comes up behind them: "You boys aren't planning on going out by Blackwater Ridge, are ya?" The brothers bullshit about being students from Boulder doing some research, but the ranger knows better: "You're friends with that Hailey girl, right." Cut to Jensen Ackles looking bored out of his gourd with this scene before lying some more and agreeing with the ranger's mysterious question. The ranger continues, "Well, I'll tell you what I told her. Her brother filled out a backcountry permit saying he wouldn't be back until the 24th. So it's not exactly a missing persons now. Tell that girl to quit worrying." Dean unleashes his con-man charm on the ranger, convincing him to hand over a copy of that permit.

The brothers walk out of the visitors center dappled in clear sunlight. It all kind of makes me want to go to the wilderness. Or at least a few more miles away from the sixty dirty drunks I have to huddle with to keep warm at the bus stop every morning. ["Again: we prefer the term 'colleagues.'" -- Sars] Sam accuses Dean of "cruising for a hook-up," which, jealous much? Sam whines that they need to get to Blackwater Ridge to "just go find Dad. I mean, why even talk to this girl?" Dean counters that they should "know what we're walking into before we walk into it," and wonders when Sam got so Hot Blooded. Sam toughs, "Since now," but the next scene shows that he is, indeed, more Chicken of the Sea, as they clearly go straight to Hailey's house according to Dean's plan.

Hailey answers the door and the brothers pretend to be park rangers. I'd let them groom my hills any day, youknowwhatI'msayin? They smooth that they need to ask her some questions about her brother Tommy. She ain't no fool and asks them for ID. Dean holds up some ghetto-looking card that lists his name as "Samuel Cole" and is barely legible behind the screen door that stands between the boys and girl. Apparently the gal is a fool, because she opens the doors for these creepy charmers. She notices the Metallicar behind them and asks Dean if it's his. When he says yes, she shows that she is both a fool and a dirty whore by giving him total fuck-me eyes. A hot girl in a muscle tee turned on by a car. This episode must have been produced before The Gays got hold of The Media. The brothers follow her into the house and Dean mouths an "Oh my god" back at Sam. Inside, Sam asks Hailey how she knows something is wrong with her brother. She brings dinner to a table at which an unidentified boy sits and says that her brother checks in every day via email or satellite phone and that she hasn't heard from him in three days. When Dean floats the possibility that Tommy is just having fun and forgot to check in, Unidentified Boy blurts, "He wouldn't do that." Oh, total sad orphans! Hailey confirms by relating that they don't have any parents and so they all keep close tabs on one another. Sam asks to see the pictures Tommy sent. Hailey fires up a sweet seventeen-inch PowerBook which is clearly NOT orphan-appropriate unless she actually IS a highly-paid whore or there's an older brother who will eventually be stricken with Hodgkin's disease making furniture in the shed out back of their improbable mansion while she spends her time miscarrying her sin babies and watching her other brother drink himself into a hilarious stupor.

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