Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Camp Out

Commercials. Morning. Camp. Sadness. Hailey whines about how this sort of stuff isn't supposed to be real. Then she asks Dean how he knows about "this stuff." Dean tells her "it runs in the family" but really we know it's because the bitches love it. Well, also for the children, but he already said that last night. Sam strides over and declares that they have "half a chance" in the daylight and then says, "I, for one, want to kill this evil son of a bitch." Aw, with the little-brother imitation! They finally decide to explain what the eff they've been talking about this whole time -- I'm sure Roy would've appreciated this primer before he ran off into the woods -- and basically, each Wen-DEE-go is hundreds of years old, and was once a man, either an Indian, a miner, or a frontiersman who became a cannibal to survive a harsh winter and just stayed that way. Ah, sort of like "If the wind changes direction, your face is going to stay that way." "Keep gnawing on that human liver and you'll be enjoying Roger stew for a long time to come." Hailey asks, if all this is true, how Tommy could still be alive. Dean tells her that the Wen-DEE-go hibernates for years at a time, and when it comes out to hunt, it keeps its victims alive, storing them so it can feed whenever it wants. Then Dean tells them that to kill it they have to "torch the sucker," and I now officially know more than I ever needed to know about the Stephen Baldwin of monsters.

They walk through the forest. Then they walk some more. Sam has been following the bloody claw marks on the trees. Hailey balances on her dowel-rod legs. Sam realizes that the claw marks were too easy to follow and that they've been led here. Something starts growling and circling them in a speedy manner. Blood drips on Hailey's shoulder, and she screams and dives out of the way as a body comes thudding to the ground. It's Roy! Oh, but still deadski. They run away. Useless Ben makes himself useful by falling down, requiring Sam to go back and pick him up. Dean and Hailey, out in front, come upon something glowing, and Hailey lets out a scream. By the time Ben the Contrivance and Sam catch up, Hailey and Dean have disappeared. Way to make this episode go on that much longer, guys. Also, was it really worth the couple of thousand to hire that kid actor just for this? Sam picks something up from the ground, presumably left behind by either Hailey or Dean, and it's either a dirty sock, or maybe a pair of eyeglasses tied together with a handkerchief? I seriously have no idea what it is, and my Thrice Rewound Limit is now up. Figure it out yourselves. Sam yells for Dean.Commercials. The two useless siblings, Ben and Sam, mope around in the forest. Ben wants to know why the Wen-DEE-go killed Roy, and Sam hypothesizes that it's because it was "pissed" at Roy for shooting at it. So, it has a taste for human flesh and gets pissy when someone's horsing around with it? Remind me not to invite it to my next barbecue. Ben finds some M&Ms on the ground, and Sam makes the requisite Hansel and Gretel reference: "It's better than bread crumbs." They follow the M&Ms down into an old mine. They do this for a good long while, so long I don't even have to hit pause this whole time. Hi guys, what are you all doing right now? I'm vaguely paying attention to the unlikely exploits of a pair of good-looking demon hunters. And eating cookies at the same time. Christmas cookies. Mmmm. Okay, they've finally stopped meandering into this dark and scary mine. They hear growling. Big effing whoop. Oh. Now they're meandering some more. Anybody seen any good movies lately? I really haven't, though with Oscar season upon us, I've really got to step up -- whoops! Ben and Sam just fell through a rotten floorboard and landed with quite the thump on the floor beneath. Said floor beneath is littered with human skulls. Sam tries to keep Ben from freaking out. More slow looking around. At this rate, I can get my online Christmas shopping done during this scene! Sam looks around and sees Hailey and Dean strung up by their arms. Dean wakes up and says he's okay. They get them both unhung, and there's some more slow coughing and recovering when Hailey looks up and sees Tommy all strung up. I'm feeling a bit like I too am tied up and being slowly fed upon, though my personal monster is more plastic and square and covered all over with pixels.

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Supernatural

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