Well, it wasn't as relentlessly tedious as I thought it would be, but then again, my expectations after last week were set so low, they could have aired Princess Embolism making stroke-victim faces for the entire hour and it would have risen above.
The episode opens pretty much where the last one closed, with Crazy Sammy locked in Bobby's Super-Awesome Panic Room Of Super Awesomeness to detox from all of the demonically enhanced blood he's been sucking out of Princess Embolism's corpse arm all season, and attempts are made to spice things up by throwing us lurid, Crazy Sammy POV hallucinations involving Uncle Arthur, Wee Sam, Burnt Mary, and even an unnecessarily harsh version of Dashing El Deano, but you know what? I've already seen The Lost Weekend and The Snake Pit and The Man With The Golden Arm and Lady Sings The Blues and Drugstore Cowboy and hell, Reefer Madness, for Christ's tap-dancing sake, and I certainly had no need to see them all get tossed into a Cuisinart and then barfed up onto the television screen this evening, so whatever.
In news that's actually important, the final seals have been cracking left and right, with fishermen struck blind and teachers machine-gunning their students and, like, fluffy bunnies meeting gruesome ends down in America's Australia, and Bobby has enough sense to wonder if it's appropriate to keep their most powerful weapon against the impending Apocalypse locked up in his Super-Awesome Panic Room Of Super Awesomeness, rather than unleashing Crazy Sammy onto Lilith's much-deserving ass. Dean, of course, will have none of that, thank you very much, and instead calls upon My Sweet Baboo for an assist. Castiel, no doubt still smarting from last week's painful break-up, takes his damn good time returning Dean's message, and once he finally arrives, he does little more than extract a vow of obedience from his ex-boyfriend. Well, that, along with surreptitiously freeing Crazy Sammy from Bobby's Super-Awesome Panic Room Of Super Awesomeness, of course. Oh, and he finally does something about Anna's gross hair, too. Something permanent. Marry me, Castiel!
And in the end, Our Intrepid Heroes wind up in some hotel room somewhere so they might indulge themselves in the chick-flick moment to end all chick-flick moments, and as Dreary El Deano unleashes A Single Manly Tear at the end of what I'm certain was a terribly heartfelt and touching speech regarding The Importance Of Family, Crazy Sammy whacks that Single Manly Tear clean off of Dean's wimpy little face! "VIOLENCE!" Raoul! What a surprise! And I haven't even mentioned the baby-eating yet. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Orchestral Flourish BLOOD-RED THEN! As you'll recall from, oh, every single episode that's aired this season, Lilith's been trying to break sixty-six seals to free Lucifer from Hell, thereby bringing about The Apocalypse, which incidentally is a word I keep mistyping for some mysterious reason, so I'll be very, very happy when I never have cause to type it again. Meanwhile, back in Season One, the ghost of Burnt Mary materialized in Our Intrepid Heroes' childhood home to rescue their tantalizing derrieres from The Garbage Disposal Demon, and right before she allowed her eternal soul to be immolated by whomever, she whispered, "I'm sorry!" at Deluxe Action Sammy With Super-Special Glow-In-The-Dark Snap-On Hair, likely because -- as we learned much, much later in the series -- she got this whole apocalyptic ball rolling way back on May 2, 1973, when she brokered the family's first deal with The Ceiling Demon in exchange for Sucky John's life. And we all know how well that turned out for everyone involved. Yeesh. In any event, we're also reminded of the fact that Wee Sam never wanted to be a freak right before My Sweet Baboo warns Dashing El Deano just how much of a freak his gigantic younger brother has become, and after a brief montage of Crazy Sammy's season-long corpse-sucking ways -- including a glimpse of everyone's favorite loveable, furry old Prophet Of The Lord, just so we don't forget about him before the finale -- we at long last arrive at last week's closing image, with Dean and Bobby imprisoning Crazy Sammy in The Super-Awesome Panic Room Of Super Awesomeness to detox from all of the demonically enhanced blood he's been sucking out of Princess Embolism's corpse arm, and I do hope you followed all of that, because now's the time when you must shut the hell up for the...
...Slashy, Slashy NOW! The camera pulls down from the slowly spinning exhaust fan atop The Super-Awesome Panic Room Of Super Awesomeness before cutting to a grubby-looking Crazy Sammy, who glances up at the few stray beams of sunlight filtering through the fan's devil's trap until Dean's hand unlatches and opens the peep-hole in the door. "Let me out!" Crazy Sammy immediately demands, adding, "This is not funny!" "Damn straight," Dean replies, and was that a slur, missy? "I think it was!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, trying to be helpful, and you know I appreciate the effort, my scaly friend, but I was kidding with that. "Oh, I am ashamed!" Raoul shrieks again, blushing furiously and thoroughly embarrassed by his all-too-hasty jump to conclusions, and I wouldn't worry about it, Raoul. "Really?!" Yes. In fact, you should probably just ease yourself back on your overstuffed armchair and settle yourself in for a very lengthy wait for the good stuff this evening, because if I'm remembering the episode correctly, the first two-thirds are awfully chatty. "Poop!" Raoul pouts, for he'd had more than enough of the chatty last week. "I did indeed!" he shrieks agreeably. "Perhaps a flagon or two is in order!?" Knock yourself out, kiddo. "Wheeeee!"