Redemption Island Monster Christine strikes again this week, taking out Papa Bear in a fiercely-contested bean-bag-tossing competition and scowling magnificently the entire time. Her victory is watched by John and Jim, who apparently have a secret alliance going on that pretty much everyone else in their tribe can make a pretty good guess about, what with them stupidly going off to Redemption Arena together and all. It won't matter this week, though, as Savaii wins a chicken reward and the immunity challenge, the always-painful-looking "who can hold the most weight" competition. After Keith and Albert drop out embarrassingly early for their tribes and Brandon and Jim manage to shoulder a show-record of 240 pounds each, it comes down to Dawn and Stacey, both of whom were apparently chosen to represent their tribes because those tribes hate middle-aged women. In the end, both women put up an impressive fight, but Stacey is just not able to support 160 pounds on just her ass and loses it to an ecstatic Dawn.
And so, it's time for Upolu to figure out who to vote out again. Li'l Li'l Russell seems like a good choice, what with his frequent and totally meaningless apologies, general creepiness, and insistence that he just wants to play this game like a good person. But he also did really well in the challenge, so it's between Edna, who is annoying and useless, and Stacey, who is strong but doesn't seem to have any interest in making friends with her tribemates, which I really can't blame her for. After Li'l Li'l Russell floods the floor of Tribal Council with his remorseful tears, Stacey is sent to join her only friend Christine on Redemption Island.
Sorry I wasn't here last week! Looks like I missed a lot of Li'l Li'l Russell, which is just fine with me. It's Day 9 now, and the sun rises on Savaii. Ozzy and Elyse hang out in the hammock and Elyse asks Ozzy about his family and how good they must be at camping and outdoorsy activities. What is this girl's obsession with people's family members? When she isn't assuming that Ozzy somehow inherited his ability to climb a palm tree, she's hoping that she inherited something from her Native American ancestors. Ozzy says he was always into "survivalism," unlike the rest of his family, who were, apparently, into dyingism. Jim notices Ozzy and Elyse cozying up and does not like it, saying that Ozzy is such a "powerful physical presence" that if he has a solid bond with someone who isn't Jim to go along with that, then Jim could be in trouble. He decides that Ozzy is too valuable to get rid of right now, so Elyse should go next.
To that end, he talks to John about voting Elyse out. Jim gets all giddy at the prospect of making a "Survivor move," while John is probably just happy Elyse is being targeted instead of him for a change. "She's so freaking hot," Jim then says out of nowhere. John offers to "put on a seaweed wig" if that'll make Jim happy. I kind of wonder if it would, actually. John interviews that he's not sure how much he can trust Jim and his "used car salesman... suspiciously white" toothed-smile, but as long as he's talking about getting rid of Elyse, John is fine with it. They shake on their secret alliance.
All good things must come to an end, so we head over to Upolu and Li'l Li'l Russell, who is having his 1,367,023rd crisis of conscience. He says his "pride" got in the way of the "good intentions" he came into this game with. He says he's decided to "be a better person" from here on out. Why announce that? Just do it. He talks to Mikayla, apologizing for losing his temper on her. She just nods and says she "appreciates" his apology. Yeah, right. She immediately interviews that while she's happy that Li'l Li'l Russell said he was sorry, she doesn't understand why he can just think before he speaks in the first place. She then blames Li'l Li'l Russell's problems on who his uncle is. I don't understand why who someone is related to is such a big deal to these people. My uncle is a science professor. I write very unscientific reviews of TV shows. Not the same.
Next up is Edna, who Li'l Li'l Russell feels the need to inform that everyone she thought was her friend was really lying to her, including Li'l Li'l Russell. He says he can't lie to anybody anymore, and so he's going to accomplish that by freely volunteering information that wasn't his to give, like how there's a Core 5 in the tribe and she's not in it. Edna feels personally rejected and gets teary-eyed. She says it's easier to believe peoples' lies that she's welcome and belongs to her tribe than it is to accept the truth. Yes. That's also why you shouldn't go on this show.