Survivor
Survivor Season 2 The Australian Outback: The Greatest And Most Outrageous Moments

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Survivor II: The So-So and Most Mediocre Moments!

Sense has no role in this show. Reason has no role in this show. It won't benefit you to anticipate anything great, outrageous, or even particularly new in this show. As far as I can tell, this "special" clips DVD is the result of the work of a "special" editor. Or a team of third-graders on a gleeful cutting-and-pasting spree.

The show opens with Elisabeth telling the camera how hard it is out there. Saddling up her high horse, she challenges critics to "give it a go," and says she doesn't give them more than two days. Tina tells us that the thought of hardships "crossed her mind" while considering whether or not to do the show. She says it's "a joke" that people believe the competitors are given food. But they were given food. We all witnessed -- no matter how much we try to block it -- the Outback food auction. Tina tells us that Survivor was the hardest thing she has ever done, and that she would never do it again. That's easy to say with a million dollars in your back pocket. She's in her Survivor-wear during this confessional, so it's not clear whether this was shot during or after the competition. During these confessionals, we see shots of the military plane which deposited the cast into the Outback. Colby then tells us that "being a Survivor means being a jack of all trades, ace of none." He says you don't have to be the best, "just pretty damn good." Peachy drones on about the plane ride; this is taken directly from the first episode. If you don't know by now, the premise of the game is "42 days, 16 people, 1 Survivor." If you already know, and if you know it as well as I do, my sympathies to you. We proceed to rehash the first moments of the first episode. It looks good here for chronology, but then it all gets shot to hell. It is kind of neat to see the competitors at the very beginning before we knew anything about them, but if I wanted that, I could have just watched the summer reruns and not forked over $11.49. Elisabeth and Mitchell barf.

Peachy tells us that, in this show, we'll see highlights, audition tapes, and "never-before-seen" clips from the Outback. We learn that the rules dictated that the contestants could not talk until they were abandoned in Australia. This, obviously, was to prevent any of them from talking to Jerri and immediately bailing out. As each tribe plays Barney and proceeds to love each other and you and me, we learn about Kucha and Ogakor. Really, in an aggressive and deceitful game like this, who would want to be a kangaroo? Sure, those pouches are pretty funky, but still. We see an extended montage of Kucha struggling with their heavy stuff. We heard it all the first time, so I'll just sum it up: the dumb and the righteous got stuck hauling the gear. Then, in a completely original, provocative, and illuminating new clip, we see a thirsty Kimmi guzzle water running off the spout of the tribe's canteen. Michael says, "That was a beautiful sight." Yuck. Oh yeah, and yuck. Elisabeth guzzles too, but Rodger drinks directly from the spout, saying, "I'm from Kentucky. I put my mouth up on the jar." Hee. I miss my grandpa boyfriend. He tells us he's upset because he's carrying fifty to sixty pounds, and is "no spring chicken." He's my favorite chicken, though. It turns out that Kucha tried many different ways to carry their supplies to camp, and finally scientifically concluded a superior method: dragging. I could hear the collective ooh-ing and ahh-ing across America as I watched this. We don't see any bits of camp-bound Ogakor -- they probably rode the bus with Peachy because he was working it with Jerri. Kimmi tells us that arriving at their new home was a moment of ecstasy. Whoever edited this show was having a "moment" of ecstasy too.

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Survivor

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