Survivor
A Chapera Surprise

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Enough With The Postponing...On With The Inevitable!

Jenna opens a coconut around the fire and says that she's preparing two of them. She says she's not having plantains on this particular day, so if Shii Ann wants plantains, she can make them herself. Unsurprisingly, this is where Shii Ann interviews that she's "really tired of Jenna." And, apparently, of Jenna's refusal to prepare food to order on demand like a short order cook. ("Adam and Eve on a raft! No, not you, Rob and Amber!") Shii Ann goes on to say that Jenna is a bitch, blah dee blah, as we watch Jenna preparing food and Shii Ann -- you guessed it -- sitting on her ass. If they ever make a Shii Ann doll, it's not even going to need legs that extend. They can save a lot of money on manufacturing by making the legs perma-bent and still achieve a high level of historical accuracy. She sits around the fire! She sits out challenges! She sits sketching a schematic diagram for a bamboo dumbwaiter! Shii Ann also treats us to her opinion that Jenna is "bossier than anybody else on this tribe." Which may very well be true, but again, Shii Ann would have long ago withered to a dried-out husk if somebody hadn't taken some initiative with regard to food, so she might want to be a bit more measured in her incessant complaining. Anyway, Jenna drives Shii Ann crazy. Yeah. Which is kind of the pot calling the kettle a giant pain in the much-sat-upon ass, I guess.

A crab comes crawling out of its little sand hole, looks around for John Ashcroft, and makes a run for the border. Just then, Rupert returns to camp carrying a string of fish. He gripes that he realized nobody was jumping up to help him clean fish, and I would point out for the sake of what's about to occur that, just as she will later point out, Jenna is sitting and tending a pan of plantains at the time Rupert comes by with the fish, and she seems to be doing a "stirring constantly" thing. He complains, at any rate, that people want to eat fish, but that they don't clean fish, so he decided he would just clean one for himself. "I'm feeling used and abused," he says, which I can totally understand, because it's not like he's spent the last four weeks running around like the biggest dork at a Boy Scout Jamboree, educating everyone about the use of the spear and trying to teach them that he is the king of fishing. Oh, wait. He did. Honestly, it's hard to understand how Rupert can fail to see how ridiculous this is, but he often strikes me that way, so I suppose I should just get used to it. In the interview, Rupert implies that not only is he not cleaning any additional fish, but that he isn't giving any of the ones he caught to anyone else, because he claims that the only fish anyone else gets is one that he or she caught and cleaned personally. Whatever. I badly need to see him crushed like a bug. I have been putting up with him since last fall. This is my twenty-third episode involving Rupert, and that doesn't count reunions and clip shows. If I wanted to watch the same grungy dipshits for twenty weeks, I would be recapping something from Bunim-Murray, now wouldn't I?

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Survivor

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