A Chapera Surprise

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
Enough With The Postponing...On With The Inevitable!

Rupert and Jenna have a follow-up chat in private, in which she tells him that she didn't really appreciate his maneuver there. He tells her that anybody who wants a fish can go gut one and put it on the fire. Jenna explains that he's the guy who can handle the fishing, so that's why they ask him to do it. "How many fish have you cleaned?" Rupert asks, sure that he's got her cornered. "I've cleaned a lot," she says simply. Apparently without a snappy comeback to this highly unexpected answer, he rather preposterously asks her to account for the rest of the group: "How many have they cleaned? None!" Jenna points out that he shouldn't take out his frustrations about people who don't work on the people who do, but Rupert just doesn't make that distinction at all. All Rupert sees is himself on one side, noble and perfect and gleaming and dumb like a polished brass doorknob, and everyone else on the other side, inadequate and unappreciative and maneuvering rings around him. It's the same obnoxious, self-important view of the universe Rupert's been working since day one, so it's probably time for me to stop being surprised. I'll try. Jenna tries to explain that she's not speaking for other people, she's only speaking for herself. Rupert interviews: "My little Jenna...had the bitch at me about putting one of my fish on the grill...she's just getting really a pain in the ass, and I'm very sorry that I have an alliance with her." Yeah. "My little." Among other things, Rupert is a rampaging sexist, and I have seriously had enough of those comments. "My little" this, and "little mama" that...get a new routine, asshole. Jenna wasn't bitching at you for putting a fish on the fire. She was explaining, quite calmly, that she doesn't think it's fair for you to do a passive-aggressive dance to punish her for things that she's not even responsible for, and she was pointing out that in a camp setting, all the work is shared. And she's exactly, entirely right, and you are not her daddy, or her boss, or her moral superior, so Shut. Up. A. Lot.

Rupert goes back to camp and tattles to everybody else that Jenna got mad at him for putting a fish on the fire. Which of course isn't remotely true, but I'm sure he doesn't make the distinction, and it's not like he's going to feel guilty about lying his ass off. Shii Ann, seeing the opportunity to suck up, goes on and on about how she understands that he doesn't have to share anything if he doesn't want to, including any of "those fishes." Yeah, those are the reflections of Shii Ann. The same Shii Ann who has happily eaten food and slept in shelters prepared by other people since the day she got here, and who has furthermore taken every possible opportunity to sit out challenges and take all her strategic advice from others. I normally think this show is too dumb for irony, but it almost qualified, since she's the biggest mooch in the entire game, and now she's going to get all "I understand about self-determination." I don't think so. "Shii Devil has some tricks up her sleeves," she interviews, trying to appear menacing. And as the Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters pointed out, if there's anything more obnoxious than referring to yourself in the third person, it's referring to yourself in the third person using a nickname. And if there's anything more obnoxious than referring to yourself in the third person using a nickname, it's referring to yourself in the third person using a nickname that you made up. Welcome, Shii Ann, to being the same person as "Jonny Fairplay." I wish the two of you a long and happy life of putting each other in headlocks. The good news? I don't care who wins; I just want the match to be really, really lengthy.

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