Survivor
A Chicken's A Little Bit Smarter

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A Chicken's A Little Bit Smarter

Great Wall. Hey, relevant!

Fei Long is rowing. Nobody knows anything about rowing, boats, or being outside, it appears, but Generic Aaron is in charge. He says the tribe is pretty stupid, basically, but he sees himself turning into a leader -- a subtle leader, of course, so he won't be targeted. With people like this on his team, honestly, I don't think he really has to be that subtle. Fei Long gets to camp in apparently short order and checks out the surroundings. They have highly thematic rice to eat (get it? It's China!), so that's good, but it's also starting to rain, which is not so good. "It looks like the Big Guy Upstairs is providing," says Leslie cheerily. I love that you can't participate in a Buddha welcome ceremony because that will show disrespect for God, but you can call Him the Big Guy Upstairs, because you're buds with Him. It's like having casual Friday under Patton. Courtney informs us that everyone is too happy, and nobody in New York acts like all these "flight attendants and Sunday-school teachers." The funny thing is that in the whole seven weeks I've lived in New York, I've already learned that while thinking that way is very New York indeed, going on about it is always posing, because if there's one thing people in New York know how to do, it's simply ignore people who are annoying, even while being annoyed. If you couldn't do that, you'd never make it into the city on the train, I will tell you that much, COCKTAIL-RING-WEARING GIRL DRAWING HER EYEBROWS ON WITH BLACK CRAYON ON THE SARDINE-CAN F AT EIGHT IN THE MORNING AND ALSO THROWING YOUR CRUNCHY HAIR ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Jean-Robert and Todd go for a walk, during which the poker player tells the flight attendant that he doesn't believe he's really a flight attendant; he knows Todd is a sharp guy. Of course...Todd is a flight attendant. (I just typed "slight attendant," which: way to go, jokey fingers!) J-R interviews that he has a natural gift for reading people, since he's a poker player. Of course, a real poker player applying a real gift for reading people would observe silently for a while, rather than tackling the first person who looks intelligent and accusing him of lying about his occupation. But J-R tells us that he was calling out Todd early. Hey, what harm could that do, right? Declare yourself the craftiest, smartest, and most threatening! Todd responds to ineptitude with ineptitude by telling J-R to please not tell anyone else that he (Todd) is so threatening. Of course, he insists that he's not saying he is threatening. Or anything. J-R suggests that he won't tell, and based on how sure I am that he's lying, I'm flummoxed at the idea that he's any good at poker. Maybe he plays in a kids' league?

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Survivor

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