Survivor
A Chicken's A Little Bit Smarter

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A Chicken's A Little Bit Smarter

Panda chewing stuff.

Zhan Hu arrives at its beach, where Ashley and her enormous synthetic bazooms make quite the picture as she gets out of the boat. She has two rings in her lower lip, which I always find incredibly disturbing, no matter how hard I try not to judge. I keep thinking about...I don't know. A lot of things. Some are sort of intimate-dirty, and some are unhygienic-dirty. Sherea is stuck in heels, so she's not comfortable at all. She's not adjusting to the outdoors so well yet. A few folks try to repurpose some wood in a sort of a frame they stumble across, but Chicken is standing back insisting that the thing isn't big enough to do them any good. This devolves into the typical fight between the bossy old man who thinks he knows everything and the dumb but numerous young brats who are looking to do as little work as possible and would pledge their willingness to sleep under a single blade of grass if it meant they could lie down sooner. Chicken finally interviews that because they wouldn't listen to anything he has to say, he's taking his cock and going home. (It's a chicken joke, get it? Do ya? Okay, last one.) No more suggestions from Chicken! Zhan Hu jokingly argues over who farted (seriously), and this surprisingly leads to Ashley explaining how she's a wrestler, which she then explains to us some more in interviews. She thinks that her "wrestling" background has prepared her for this, what with the competitive spirit you develop while acting out scripts in which you are predestined to win or lose. I'm not sure she understands Survivor. Or does she?

The conversation at Zhan Hu turns straight-up chatty, and Peih-Gee is completely annoyed and eye-rolly, because she thinks it's not getting any work done for them to be acting foolish. She "can't connect to the wackiness." Well, this is a good idea, because you know who lasts a really long time every season? The person who hates fun. Their shelter debate continues, but the petulant Chicken (The Petulant Chicken is the name of my new franchise sandwich shop, by the way) refuses to participate in the discussion anymore, because they didn't obey him enough. You can see them beginning to get very annoyed.

Fei Long, later on Day 1. They chop fronds and logs. They're out there felling trees and everything, and basically looking way more together than the competition. Todd tells us that the team meshes really well. As James pounds away, the ladies on his tribe are admiring him, which Leslie tries to pass off as admiration of his work ethic, which: only if you really like the way his work ethic looks without a shirt, lady. Seriously, that's a nice bod on James. One of the game's best bods ever, I'd go so far as to say. Leslie goes over and talks to him, and she's happy to hear that he buries people. She's got a great story she can tell him sometime, and it even has a burial in it! He'll love it! At any rate, he interviews that gravedigging is a pretty solitary activity, so he's pretty accustomed to working on his own. Leslie tells him that, if he wants to be social, he should talk to people and ask them questions about themselves. Such as "Have you found the Lord?" (Okay, that was me.)

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Survivor

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