Survivor
A Closer Look (a.k.a. All-Star Redux)

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Everything Old Is New Again

"How's my hair, Jeff?" asks "Ethan." B-Rob interviews that he enjoyed playing Ethan, because he likes to make fun of Ethan's "Jheri curls." Again, that's what interferes with my liking of B-Rob -- he seems kind of witty, and then he passes up the opportunity to mock Ethan's personality (which is thoroughly mockable) in favor of mocking Ethan's hair, and I lose the love. With every member of Saboga called out for his or her most identifiable annoying trait, "Jeff" announces that it's time to vote. "Jerri" votes for "holy roller Tina," for having already "stabbed [her] in the back once." Again, that's surprisingly accurate as to how Jerri's vote actually went. "Ethan" votes for Jenna, completely with smarmy little "sorry, babe." Heh. That's surprisingly accurate, too. The only thing he forgot was to mention the size of her butt. "Lord, please forgive me for the language that I am about to use, but miss Jerry Manthey, I am votin' for you! You were a bitch the first time on Survivor Australia, and three years haven't done ya any good, you're still a bitch! Mah vote is for Jerray!" says a surprisingly animated "Tina." Who knew Amber was a little bit funny? I mean, not very funny, but at least she has a personality. B-Rob interviews that he actually thought everybody was funny. At their faux-council, they wind up voting out Jenna, and A-Rob uses an improvised snuffer to snuff out an improvised torch. As "Jenna" walks off, Chapera starts singing the traditional Music of Doom from the end of tribal council, which I thought was especially funny. As she leaves, "Jenna" turns around and flips them off.

At the actual tribal council, which was substantially less entertaining, Tina was voted off, due to "the stigma of being a former winner." In a bonus interview, Tina says that she knew she was in trouble, and basically reiterates that she was voted off for being a winner, and knew they'd keep Ethan for challenges. "It's been a blast," she says. Yeah, okay. I'm glad she went early, because I have never seen a Survivor contestant so unrelentingly boring in all my life.

In more new footage, it turns out that as of Day 4, Colby was...chafing. To the point where he was walking around rather oddly, as a matter of fact. Kathy and Hatch sit around the campfire discussing how Colby is gradually becoming more and more incapacitated by all the chafing. Colby is then subjected to possibly the most embarrassing interview ever, short of the ones about how the pooping is going. "My gait, if you will, is my attempt to get a little air flow goin' in there, and hopefully, with a little time, everything's gonna heal," he says. Until then, there's no choice but to be "as bowlegged as a bull rider." He wraps up thusly: "It hurts. Somethin' fierce." I'll bet. Lesson of the week: one good luxury item might be baby powder.

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Survivor

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