Survivor
A Slippery Little Sucker

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Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
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And So It Endzzzzzz...

Jeff goes and gets the votes. Everyone looks around nervously. And then we are in L.A. for the reading of the votes. Eeeeee! And then we swing around, and...man, oh, man. Amanda and Courtney both fell out of the bangs tree and hit every branch on the way down, while Todd looks even more like a toy than before. Seriously. Also, everyone totally knows Todd won. If you look at faces, you can tell. Courtney kind of looks like she's in a punk band, while Amanda kind of looks like the librarian who organizes books about punk bands, and Todd looks like he's the starring character in that librarian's favorite children's book, Fuzzball McGee Has A Vest For Me! Jeff insists that this was "a very good season of Survivor," which I disagree with slightly, since it's my least favorite season ever.

The first vote is for Courtney. The second is for Amanda. The third one, you'll be shocked to know, is for Todd! If you doubt that they all know Todd is going to win, look at the way Courtney rubs his arm here, like, "Relax, babe, he's getting there." A second vote for Courtney. And then a second, third, and fourth vote for Todd. Oh, Todd. He immediately bursts into tears, which is the fakest thing I've ever seen, since he's obviously known this was coming for months, and then he leaps into the crowd. This is seriously the phoniest expression of surprise ever, you guys. People in Todd's hometown wave obligatory signs, as they must. The rest of the contestants come running out from backstage in a festival of irrelevance (nothing against pre-jury Survivors; I love you, seriously), and Jeff goes on about how Todd is a longtime fan, and how James was too dumb to play the idols, and we're tooootally going to talk about all of it. I just cannot wait.

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Survivor

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