A Slippery Little Sucker

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
And So It Endzzzzzz...

Courtney and Amanda take a little walk together, and Courtney tells Amanda about the discussion she overheard. Courtney has observed that Todd is saying different things to different people at different times. Amanda and Courtney crouch together by the lake to gather...something, and Amanda relays the conversation in which she told Todd she didn't trust him, and how he acted all hurt. Todd comes strolling up in the middle of this little chat and tries to ascertain whether everything is okay. He voices over that he's hoping Amanda and Courtney are still on board with him to get rid of Denise at F4. Once again, he blames any possible ousting of himself on a misguided notion of "girl power." He tells Courtney that he thinks they're "the most fantastic final three in the entire world." Of all the final threes in all the world, this is the best! Eat it, final three of Canada! Give up now, final three of Portugal! We are the best final three! In all the world!

We return from commercials to Day 38 at camp, where Todd is bringing back a sealed scroll. He reads the message, which congratulates the F4 on outlasting twelve of their compatriots. You know what this means! "Honor their memories"! Scatter their ashes over this obstacle course! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the March of Dead Survivors, after which, the message says, they will proceed to the final immunity challenge. They paddle together across the lake to a giant statue of "the Chinese goddess of compassion and mercy." Who, surprisingly, does not have her eyes covered when they arrive. Apparently, the goddess is currently relegated to standing guard over the Dead Survivors' torches. This go-round, they are instructed to light a string of firecrackers by each person's dead body. Er, "torch." To celebrate the person's fire and send them off to the reality-show afterlife, also known as The Quest To Sleep With People From Shows Lower On The Totem Pole Of Importance Than Yours, Beginning With Big Brother.

They paddle and paddle, and then Todd gives a megalomaniacal voice-over speech about how every person voted off has participated in his victory. It sounds innocent enough here, but you will learn at the reunion that Todd genuinely believes that he directed everything that happened on both tribes, at all times, from Day 1, so this is not an exaggeration or colorful talk. Everyone was a pawn in his little game. He is the puppetmaster! He claims to be "grateful" for people like, say, Dave and Chicken, who played a "huge part" in getting him to the end. Seriously, Todd: shut your yap. Todd goes for further seriousness points by telling us that out of sixteen people, only one will be the winner. Wait, let me get a pen to write that down.

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