Survivor
A Slippery Little Sucker

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Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
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And So It Endzzzzzz...

We begin, as we must, with Chicken, about whom Todd insincerely oozes, "With a name like Chicken, how can you not be cool?" The fact that he doesn't know Chicken, barely met Chicken, and doesn't need Chicken's vote doesn't keep him from sucking up to the absent Chicken. (Euphemism alert: "What do you think he was doing when he locked himself in the bathroom?" "Oh, I'd say he was sucking up to the absent Chicken, if you get my drift.") Chicken interviews that he wanted to be himself. He couldn't relate to anyone! No available poultry!

Courtney says she wished she'd gotten to know Ashley better. Nobody says "boobs." Ashley interviews that she's been through tough things as a wrestler, but it was nothing like this.

Courtney calls herself and Leslie "unlikely friends," and Leslie tells us that the game is "hard." Thank you, Leslie. I thank you, Jesus thanks you, and the monks of China thank you most of all.

"The guy's fun" is all Amanda can say of Dave. Dave tells us his strategy was to be likable and indispensable. Well, zero out of two ain't bad! He thinks his downfall was being too helpful. Fortunately for Dave, the sound guys can't be arsed to interrupt the music long enough to put chirping crickets on the soundtrack.

Everybody talks about how much they liked Aaron, and he tells us that he tried to "wear too many hats." But not too many shirts, fortunately. He compares the competition to surfing, which I think people feel obligated to do regarding the game and their daily lives. At least Aaron has it easier than the person who has to say, "Survivor is really similar to pharmaceutical sales, because...wait, it'll come to me..."

Courtney misses Sherea. Sherea says she was stronger than she thought. ("What did I learn from this experience? I learned that I am awesome!")

Of Jaime, Todd sarcastically snots, "Having you around camp was like having your favorite piece of bubblegum in your mouth. Fuuun-tastic." What a jackass he is, seriously. He's that guy who always thinks he's putting one over on people, and except when he's in the company of dumb people, he's never getting away with anything, but everyone gets tired of telling him to shut up, so they let him entertain himself, and being indulged eventually swells his head to the size of a watermelon. HATE.

Jaime's footage is of her "idol" being thrown in the fire, because we can't get enough of that, and she says that she was lucky to have Erik out there with her. All they will remember of you when you're dead is your faux-mance.

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Survivor

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