Reunited and It Feel So...Well, Okay
The reunion picks up where the finale left off, and Bryant "Still Not Humble" Gumbel welcomes us back to the soundstage in Los Angeles. He speaks directly to my suspicions as he claims, of the forty days in Africa, "And no, it all didn't take place here in the studio." In theory, I like his glasses, but on him they're squirrely and way too tiny. He needs a bigger pair. Or a smaller face. In any case, Bryant tells us that the show is live and brings together all of the survivors for the first time since Kenya. He points out that the audience is full of family, friends, and fans of the S16, and cites Ethan's family as being "particularly joyful." I don't know why, though; it's not like he just scored the winning goal in a high-school soccer game as a freshman or anything marvelous like that.
Bryant congratulates Ethan and tells him to give "a big shout-out" to Diane (his mom) and his brothers. I don't know who Diane is, but I'm guessing Bryant doesn't mean Big Bird, and that she's Ethan's girlfriend. They all wave at him from the back row. You'd think the winner's family members would score good seats, but not so, I guess. Ethan says his family is really happy, and Bryant exclaims, "They're flying home first-class!" Ethan thinks he's the favorite son now, and that he's finally made up for that ten-year-old easy goal. Bryant wants to know what he thinks "the difference was," meaning how Ethan managed to prevail over the others. Ethan answers that, even though he holds the title, he couldn't have won without everyone else. Clearly. Because without everyone else, it wouldn't have been much of a competition. Kimj, incidentally, looks like she's in drag. Ethan cites as the three components of winning: luck, lasting alliances, and "sticking to your gut." He then adds, "Not your gut, sorry," to Lex Loser. He thinks having faith in others paid off in the end. There were many times when the competition could have gone differently, he says, but they stayed true to each other and to their alliance, and he thinks that's what got him all the way to the end.
Bryant "He Ain't Heavy -- That's His Brother" Gumbel cuts Ethan off as he realizes that he's forgotten to introduce the entire S16. "In the order they left Africa," they are:
- postal-worker Diane (who brought along her poodle, which spends the entire special perched atop Diane's head)
- deputy sheriff Jessie, who has clearly paid a visit to Jennifer Lopez's stylist
- dentist Carl, who has since leaving Africa been hair-plugged for men
- "the Harvard-based Hugger" Linda, who borrowed her hairdo from Simon LeBon
- Bartender Silas is still cute even if he sucks
- the neckless Lindsey (Bryant drools that "you haven't seen all of her until you've seen her audition tape," and then adds, when she shoots him a look, "Don't look at me; you made it")
- bean-lover Clarence
- "first juror; first whatever" Kelly
- "the ever-flamboyant" Brandon
- "his movie date" Frank Garrison
- Little Kim, who gets no further commentary
- Teresa, who doesn't either
- "Big Tom the Goat Farmer"
- "Grandmaster" Lex Loser
- "Big Kim," and