All-Star Reunion

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The Rupert Show Returns

Previously on I Now Pronounce You Woefully Overexposed: Amber won. Rob proposed. Rupert lost twice, and it seemed like that would be enough to keep the show from handing him a million dollars.

After a commercial break, we return to find Jeff in a dark shirt I kind of like, sitting on his stump ready to moderate the obligatory post-season blabberfest customarily conducted to the tune of "Poor Poor Pitiful Me." He announces that all eighteen All-Stars are present "whether they like it or not." They all laugh as if this is terribly funny, because they aren't at all imprisoned by their own notoriety and the need to work as many charity events as possible in a desperate attempt to become famous enough to pay off their implants and porcelain veneers. Jeff says he's going to start with the most recent event -- Amber's victory -- and asks Rob whether Amber earned the win, or whether she "coattail[ed] it." "A little bit of both," Rob answers, which seems like a good sign, because if he denied that he felt that way, you just know there would be nothing but bitterness and resentment to follow, which is excellent for television but probably somewhat bad for being married. Rob says that Amber definitely helped make the decisions for the alliance and that they worked together. "I give Amber all the credit in the world; she deserved one hundred percent to win. Also, I get half, so bite me." Okay, he didn't say the last part. But I filled it in for him.

Jeff asks Amber about the fact that, at first, there wasn't any real romance between the her and Rob. Jeff asks Amber why, prior to falling for Rob, she thought that being allied with him would be a smart idea. She says that originally, she kind of "couldn't stand him," and that he didn't like her that much either, so she thought it would be a pairing that nobody would expect. I can almost see how that could be true, though I'm not sure it is. She says that furthermore, because of Rob's big mouth and temper, she could stand there and let him take all the crap. Which is, in the end, exactly what happened. It's kind of like hanging out with gangs of jockeys because it makes you look taller.

Jeff then acknowledges Amber's ring, says they'll get to it later, and tries to go on with a question, but once the camera gives it a quick fondling, the crowd starts pitching the "Wooooo!" and will not be denied, so Jeff has Amber hold her hand out. It's a very pretty ring, if you like sparkly, which I do for people on TV, even if not for myself. I don't find it so over-the-top that it's gaudy, but it's definitely the kind of engagement ring that could tempt me to use the word "bling," if I didn't eschew it as a matter of near-religious principle. And now her hand is definitely shaking. Aww. "Well," Jeff says, looking at the ring, "Rob did one thing right this season." Oh, burn. Hee. And also, true. Jeff goes back to Rob and asks him whether, if Amber's theory of him being the jackass is right, he was aware that he was going to wind up as the "bad cop" in the game. Rob gives a very good explanation of the fact that he did understand it, and that he went ahead anyway, on the understanding that if the two of them could make F2, people would be pissed but they'd have to vote for one of them, and he was just hoping that maybe people would respect the bad cop more than the good cop. So actually, Rob and Amber both seem to be angling for the "lesser of two evils" thing. It isn't a theory that worked for Rob, but it's a theory I think certainly could have worked. And for a guy like Rob, it's probably the only way he could even have a prayer of winning. If he doesn't go dominant, he'll get booted early because he's a threat (see Colby, Ethan, and so forth). If he goes dominant, he certainly can't be the good cop, because that's not his personality. It's not like his other option was to be the giggly debutante. You can only use a strategy that fits you, I think, so this was his best shot.

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