A Million To Whine
Back from the break, Jeff says that without villains, the show would be nothing, and here come the nominees. Hatch. Jerri. Brian. Amazon Rob (not a villain, incidentally). Jon. As it turns out, the winner is Jon, and the crappiest thing about that is that they have him in the audience as a result. He's wearing a suit and sunglasses in the front row, and from the moment they train the camera on him, you can tell that he still doesn't realize that it's over. Seriously, Jon? It's over. Jeff asks Jon for an update on his exciting life, and Jon, instead of answering, makes a remark he thinks is witty about how he was looking for "the casting for All-Star 2." Har, har. Jeff says, surprised but not at all kidding, "You're still bitter you weren't on All-Stars." Jon pretends he doesn't care, and says that now, he's a pro wrestler anyway. Apparently, he's on pay-per-view. Yes, that's right. You pay, per view of Jon. For each view of Jon that you want, you have to pay. It sounds like they're going to be printing their own money to me. "We're glad you're here," Jeff says, and does not mean. He does, however, mean it when he says, "And good luck getting into the after-party." HA! Oh, Jeff.
Jeff says that it's time to fill the last slot in the final four. As it turns out, the fourth finalist is Boston Rob. I could tell you the clues, but they're about as clever as the challenge poetry, so we should probably all just spare ourselves. Rob takes his seat. I love that Boston Rob's hometown party is made up entirely of little kids. I have no idea what it means, but I thought it was hilarious. Jeff says that Rob has had a lot of press this week, and has been claiming that he deserves the second million, popularity aside. Rob says, "No question." He goes on to say that it's not a secret to anyone that Rupert is by far the most popular, so his argument is that it's equally clear that Rob played the game the hardest. Rob's montage shows, most troublingly, the development of the sleazestache. Ew. Bad sleazestache! Ohhh, but it does show the part where he lifted Colby and threw him off the log. Because that was hot. I'm not too proud to say I could watch them fight all day and not get bored. ["Hey, that day you spend watching them fight? Can I come over?" -- Wing Chun]