A Million To Whine
After Rob's montage, Jeff asks him whether it ever occurs to him that he could have been nicer in the way that he delivered news to people, and that it might have helped the public perception of him if he had. Rob says that he never intended to hurt anyone's feelings or behave maliciously toward anyone. He agrees that he used friendships, as well as every other weapon he had available. He says, in summary, that he played a game, and he has no regrets. So he kind of didn't answer the question.
Jeff talks up the impending reveal, and then throws us to another commercial.
When we come back, Jeff says that there will be no more commercials until the winner. He tells us that if you want to own a piece of history, you can buy some stuff on eBay. Now, it's time for Jeff to pimp next season, which will take place, it turns out, in the South Pacific, in "the islands of Vanuatu." I think he's R2D2's cousin, by the way. But in addition to being a robot, apparently, Vanuatu is a place where the spirits are presumed to be powerful, and cannibalism was once one of your dinner options. But it's pretty! And it is, actually. And soon, sixteen castaways will be sent here. This fall, someone will win, and if you're lucky, the result will be rendered irrelevant when the audience gives away another prize to whomever is the most adept at cheap-ass self-promotion. ["I'll feel quite betrayed by that promo if there isn't actual cannibalism next season." -- Wing Chun]
Now, it's time for Jeff to reveal the favorite moment from Survivor ever, according to the viewer votes, and it's...Rupert stealing shoes? Is America fucking serious? That's better than rats and snakes? Please. Ridiculous. Rupert picked up some fucking flip-flops that were sitting there right next to him. It's not exactly Inherit The Wind, drama-wise. That is just...absolutely unbelievable. In fact, I don't really believe it, and it tends to make me more convinced than ever that this vote was of highly questionable validity. I just don't believe that any legitimate viewer poll that wasn't manipulated by somebody could possibly have named flip-flop-stealing as the greatest moment of all time. Of course, Rupert is clapping for himself when we return to the show.
Jeff says it's time for the reveal. He sassily pats his ass, telling us that that's where the check is. Of course, it's also where his ass is, and that's not entirely a point of no interest for certain people in the audience, of whom I am not one, but with whom I have some sympathy. Jeff also mentions the interesting fact that women have won the game five times out of eight, but that they've made no dent in the final four. Yep.