Survivor
Anger, Tears And Chaos

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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It's Not "Show Friends," It's "Show Business"

The first elimination boots Shii Ann and Jenna when they surface without pots. Boy, there's a shocker. The second elimination boots Kathy and Amber, the latter of whom loses a pot in a pitched underwater battle with Big Tom. The final elimination gets rid of Big Tom and Alicia, leaving Rob, Rupert, and Lex to battle it out with the heavy crates. The most interesting thing about this, once it gets going, is that they're clearly struggling with their understanding of physics. They're not sure whether to try to get the crate up out of the water, or leave it under. And boy, am I not the person to explain that to you. And please, don't email me -- my head hurts enough as it is. Anyway, in the end, despite a valiant effort from Rob -- who you just know is dying to bring home this reward, and who contorts his face accordingly -- Rupert is just too big and burly to be overcome, and he's the winner. Jenna gives him huge congratulations, probably because she knows that there is dinner in her future. Oh, and Rob is really, really pissed. He doesn't like losing, and I think he especially doesn't like losing to Rupert when he was trying to impress his girlfriend. Rupert first selects Amber, because she had such a tough night being separated from the family. And then he picks Jenna, because they've spent all this time on the same tribe. So Rupert managed to take the two young pretty things on the reward with him. But I'm sure that had nothing to do with it. Nothing!

The helicopter approaches. Everyone waves to Amber, Jenna, and Rupert as they board. As they fly off, Rupert says that his "baby" will think he's "the toughest daddy in the world." Finally, he has admitted the thing that bugs me the most about him, which is that being The Toughest Daddy In The World is pretty much his driving ambition. I mean, isn't it? I've even heard myself say that, right? Yeah, I thought so.

The reward helicopter drops toward an island with a bunch of faux-thatch-roofed buildings on it. The reward riders ooh and ahh over the location. They set down, all the while yammering to each other about all the great stuff they're about to enjoy. Rupert sighs over being "in heaven with two goddesses." Yeah, I think Rupert's enjoying that aspect just a leeettle too much. Don't get skeevy on me, there, Tuff Daddy. They disembark from the helicopter, and it takes off again. They enter a very Gilligan's Island hut, complete with beds and robes and shoes and clothes to wear. Rupert interviews that he has never had a reward in his entire history on the show. I assume he's not counting, you know, the one a couple of weeks ago. Or this one. Or this one. Actually, I don't know what the hell he's talking about. Back in the hut, Jenna is very excited about some of the products that are being madly placed. "Oh, my God, Amber, they have deodorant!" she bubbles happily And indeed they do. And if you can build up about a two-inch layer, you never know how long it might last. In fact, there is a wide variety of Procter and Gamble products available for the rewardees' enjoyment. Electric toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant...and makeup! "We're going to get pretty for you tonight," Amber tells Rupert. ["If he made them the same promise, and followed through on it, I might start to like him a tiny bit. But alas, it is not to be." -- Wing Chun] Jenna interviews enthusiastically that they just got rid of all their dirty clothes and went directly for the long shower. Hey, Jenna, have some Pantene shampoo, of which there is a long and loving close-up! Amber's electric toothbrush, by the way, seems to make her maybe a little bit too happy. It kind of makes you think she's really missing her pretend boyfriend.

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Survivor

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