It's the home stretch of the game, and Colby has to win immunity or he'll be the next to go for sure. So, of course, he doesn't. At least he doesn't come in last this time, and nearly wins it against Parvati. He tells the girls he's not going to scramble, then tries to convince Li'l Russell to keep him in the game for one more round to ensure that Parvati doesn't win immunity again. That assumes that Colby is any kind of a threat to beat Parvati in a challenge, which he very much is not, and that Li'l Russell would be better off possibly facing Colby at the end than Parvati. For all of his faults, Li'l Russell is not a complete moron, and votes Colby out, as does everyone else. Then it's time for the boring walk of fallen tribemates and another immunity challenge, which Jerri and Parvati come within inches of winning, only to both lose to Li'l Russell. Ah, well. It's not like he was going anywhere if he didn't win immunity; the best thing about this season is that while he thinks he's taking people to the Final Three that he's sure to beat because the jury will respect his amazing strategic play, the only reason why he's even still in this game is because the remaining contestants know they're sure to beat him in the end because he's such a horrible person.
Li'l Russell tells Jerri he'll be voting with her against Parvati at Tribal Council, then tells Parvati he wants to vote Jerri out because he thinks she'll vote for him to win. He also thinks he'll win against Sandra, as the only potential vote she has is from Courtney, and tells Sandra this. She just nods and waits to strike. At Tribal Council, it's really not a surprise to anyone except Jerri when she is the last person voted out and the final member of the jury. Just like last season, Li'l Russell thinks he's got the end made, as he's sitting next to two previous winners and he's the only person who played a strategic game ever in the history of the world and reality shows or whatever he's telling himself. I don't even care anymore. He tells Parvati and Sandra how inevitable his win is and walks away, leaving them to giggle over how they're going to rip him apart at Tribal because he has no idea what and who he's up against. And then, in the ultimate ironic twist, Sandra throws Li'l Russell's precious hat into the fire, just like he destroyed everyone else's stuff. Oh, and she laughs about how he's ashamed of his baldness in an interview, too. I love her.
At the final Tribal, Sandra and Parvati make their points that they really had to fend for themselves for most of the game, as Parvati was targeted from the beginning and had no one to align with except Li'l Russell, and Sandra never really had an alliance after Rob was voted out. Li'l Russell just does his usual speech about how he's the greatest player ever and he played really hard and if he had to call Rupert a dumbass and use 57 immunity idols to keep himself in the game, well, that was pure gameplay and strategy and not luck and being a horrible person. Just like last time, the jury doesn't go for it. They fall all over themselves to extol the virtues of Sandra and Parvati while telling Li'l Russell that he is disgusting, horrible and short, to the point that Rupert admits that he made a mistake in his gameplay and Coach votes for a woman over a man. Li'l Russell receives zero votes, Parvati gets three, and Sandra gets the rest, making her the first person to win this game twice. It's pretty impressive and, I think, well-deserved. And all is right with the world.
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Probst wastes ten minutes of our lives recapping the entire season thus far, being sure to use as much of the pretty opening credits footage as possible. I like how he gives credit to "some help from Jerri" for Li'l Russell getting rid of Rob, when I'd say Rob's boot was 45% because of Tyson (inadvertently) and 45% because of Jerri, with the remaining 10% going to Rob himself for refusing to consider voting for anyone but Li'l Russell. So, yeah, that's a little bit more than "some help." Also, Probst gives no credit to Sandra for convincing Li'l Russell to get rid of Coach before her and Courtney, which is the reason why Sandra is still there now. Seriously, the only time when Probst even mentions the contestants left in this game besides Li'l Russell is in reference to something they did for or against him. We had 19 other fucking "all-stars" this season and we spent almost the entire season watching one guy who we all just watched LAST season. Why? Are the editors/producers that lazy that they'd rather just focus everything on one contestant instead of bothering to pay attention to and create stories around what anyone else is doing? Does all of America love watching Li'l Russell so much and I'm the one with the problem because I can't stand him? I just don't get it. And after tonight, hopefully, he will be off my TV screen forever. Until the next all-star season, that is.
Probst recaps the contestants left so far, complete with footage from their original seasons. Colby used to be hot and powerful, but now he's weak and old(er). Parvati is a flirt and a "cunning strategist." Oh, there's the shot of her and Natalie stirring their cauldrons from Season 16! I miss that season, you guys. I really do. Sandra was a "feisty mother of two" in Season 7, and OH YES! THERE IS THE SHOT OF HER GOING APESHIT ON JOHNNY FAIRPLAY. "I CAN GET LOUD TOO WHAT THE FUCK!" indeed. Just because the editors hate Johnny Fairplay that much, they stick a shot of him saying he bets a million dollars that Sandra won't win the game just before the clip of Probst revealing that she did, indeed, win the game. And then all she did this season, apparently, was spy on and hate Li'l Russell. Jerri was "the original Black Widow" in her first season, but this time around, she tried to make friends. Until she switched to Li'l Russell's alliance and helped vote all of her friends out. Oops! And finally, there's Li'l Russell, who was an asshole in his first season. "This season," Probst says; "more of the same." Don't I know it? I've just spent, like, six months watching Li'l Russell do the same thing every fucking week. Probst sums up that in our Final Five, we have two previous winners, two previous runners-up, and Jerri. Probst promises that this will be the "biggest finale yet." We'll see.