Arranging A Hit

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Sweet Johnny Blue-Eyes
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Sucking At Life: Parvati explained to Jonathan how things are. Adam explained to Jonathan how things are. Adam noticed that while Jonathan's life might look better, Adam's is actually more awesome. High-five! Jonathan won all the food at the auction through the greedy, bottom-feeding tactic of bidding money on it, and he burped on Adam and Parvati. The Aitu four began to be irritated by Jonathan at times as well, and Candice pushed the buttons on this and got a lot of personal satisfaction out of pure meanness. Yul told everyone about the immunity idol. Candice, Adam, and Parvati weren't invited to share in the food for a particular meal they had nothing to do with preparing, and boy, were they hopping mad. Although not the "hopping out of bed to get my own food" kind of hopping mad. More the "hopping over to tell you that I deserve to be fed and to be carried about on a litter" kind of mad. Candice reiterated that Jonathan was a rat cancer bastard, not a nice and caring person like she was. Also, he was a person who switched allegiances, not a person who switched allegiances only that one time she did it right before he did it, like she was. Adam tried to threaten Yul by swearing that he'd never vote for Yul in a final vote unless Yul voted Jonathan off before the Rarovians. This appeared to be the first time that current voting was based entirely on strategy-free spite on the part of people who planned to find themselves on the jury. The Aitu four came very close to being fooled by this nuance-free charade, but in the end, they chose to vote Candice off anyway. She and Adam shared a kiss that no one wanted to see, including the people whose mouths were mechanically opening and closing as part of it. At tribal council, Nate proved that being voted off doesn't need to mark the end of the section of the show where you act like an asshole. Seven people left. Or, if you like to look at it like a controversy-seeking missile: three white people, two Asian people, one African-American person, and one Hispanic person. Who knew white people were so great and talented? And who will be voted out tonight?

We are at Aitutonga on Night 30, where the group is returning from tribal council to disrupt a night-vision meeting of the Paranoid Huddling Crab Society. Yul has an arm around Jonathan, who is saying, "That was ugly." I agree. Also ugly: Parvati's trip to the tub. Jonathan adds that tribal council was nothing he wasn't expecting, and "it was all...fine." In an interview, he tells us that, this evening, he had the pleasure of being called "rat" and "cancer," which he admits are not the most fun things in the world to hear yourself being called: "Adam and Parvati are angry that I flopped, and I'm absolutely convinced that I made the right decision." He goes on to describe the simplistic world in which the people around him currently exist: "Everybody needs a bad guy, so I become the bad guy, and everybody else is good, nobody else has lied, nobody else has manipulated things...everybody knows that's not true." You know, he may not have played these particular people all that well, and I think the mutiny thing was a colossal error in judgment, but he's certainly got his finger on the way people's heads work in the meta sense that they decide how they're going to view what happened and then they manipulate events to seem more like their view was correct. Railing against someone at tribal council sort of makes it more true, according to this theory, that said someone actually was a dickwad. Jonathan says that he's going to "keep punching," though he doesn't know how far it's going to get him. I suggest that he start with Nate, if actual punching is involved. But he's not going to "let a couple of kids like that" ruin what he's done. I wish he hadn't given in to the urge to make this about the fact that they're "kids," because as hard as I know it is to resist, you're better to resist it. Adam is in his late twenties. Adam is actually way too old to be such a fratty little punk. Seriously, remember: The Grind. It's like finding out Parvati was on The Patty Duke Show.

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