Arranging A Hit

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Sweet Johnny Blue-Eyes

Tribal council. Everyone walks in, and Jeff introduces the jury. Adam literally licks his lips when Candice walks by. Because what you want to do in this kind of situation is play it cool. Once everyone is situated, Jeff asks Parvati the biggest softball question of all time: which was better, seeing her dad, or all the food? That would, incidentally, be an awesome thing to offer sometime: feast or family. Would starving people who were going to see their relatives in a week anyway actually give up food no matter how hungry they were? I don't know, because it never happens that way. Of course, Parvati says, just as anyone would say, that she preferred seeing her dad. Jeff asks Adam about the possible effects of a good meal on challenge performance. Adam says that Ozzy didn't go, and he still won, so maybe that's not such a big thing. Adam says it's more that going to Exile Island will keep you from being able to win immunity. He certainly is desperate to believe that he and Parvati have engineered Jonathan's ouster. I mean, the thing is, Parvati and Adam are in a very uncomfortable position, because they're going to be irrelevant. You know who came in sixth and seventh last season? Me neither, off the top of my head, because you're lucky if people remember the final four. (Aras, Danielle, Cirie, and Terry. Ha!) Adam and Parvati aren't going to be recalled as major parts of the story, provided that the story remains like this, except in the sense that they're Pagonging fodder. They're striving for relevance here, and that's why they're saying that it would feel like winning. They're just saying that it would feel like they did something they could gloat over later, rather than being forced to go home and be like, "Well, we did a shit job of winning challenges and we didn't know enough not to treat a guy like garbage when we still desperately needed his vote, and that's how we managed to blow a numerical advantage that would normally have stood us in good stead." They'd rather be like, "That was pretty awesome how we got rid of Jonathan." It doesn't get them money, but it makes them matter.

Jeff asks Parvati about sending Jonathan to Exile Island, and she claims that she did it for strategic reasons. Which, because she also did it out of bitterness, initially sounds like bullshit, and it probably is. But in fact, it would have been a decent strategic move if she had actually done it that way, given that it continued the trend toward him being ostracized and treated like an unwelcome jackass, which was their best chance at getting him booted. Of course, Parvati has to try to make it sound as mean as possible, so she says she was hoping that the rest of the tribe would see that things are "better without him" and keep her. Jeff, also on the train of bitching about Jonathan as much as possible, asks Ozzy whether it was "nice not having Jonathan around." I have to say, I don't think I've ever seen Probst work this hard to provoke personal insults about a specific contestant before. It's very distracting and...weirdly unprofessional, actually. It's like watching him slant the entire Vanuatu reunion in order to serve his romance with Julie -- it's not like I expect him to be a Fred Friendly moderator of the discussion, but when it feels like his agenda is determining what questions get asked, it's irritating. Ozzy takes the bait and says, "Sure," and when asked why, he says that Jonathan has a "strong personality" and that "sometimes it's hard to be around him." Candice gloats and giggles. Dear Candice: Jonathan beat you. Seriously. It's time to stop acting like you're getting the better of him.

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