There's a whole lot of Michael butt-kissing going on in the last few hours of this season. Colby says that if Michael hadn't been injured, he would have made the finals. He calls the accident one of many "fortunate" incidents in the Outback. Tina then reveals that she was an alternate and wasn't picked for the finals until Monday. I'm so glad to know it was Monday, and not Tuesday or Wednesday or God forbid Thursday. Bryant says, "How good is that?" No one answers. I have a pen that Bryant Gumbel used. Neener, neener.
We're back from commercial and into the "hunger and hardship" section. We see a brief snippet of Tina's audition tape. She perkily (what else?) hangs from a tree and tells the camera it is necessary to be "just like a koala beer" to "git that prayshuss fruit!" She then faux-falls out of the tree and Bryant laughs like something funny just happened. Tina could use some lessons in physical comedy from Bozo the Keith -- he's a natural. Tina accuses Bryant of calling their audition tapes "cheesy." We also find out that Bozo the Keith was supposed to "go head-to-head with Richard" in the first season and "didn't quite make it," so he was carried over to the Outback. Bozo the Keith says he's glad to have been on the show this season because he's made such strong connections with people. Too bad they only run one way.
Bryant "Get Bent" Gumbel next makes Michael show his hands to the audience. Bryant says that Michael has suffered the most of everyone, and no one points out that the "wild" boar suffered more. He goes on to say that Michael has been going around saying that falling into the fire was a good thing. Michael explains that going on the show "transcends" money or prizes and that the "spiritual growth," the "family growth," and most particularly the "new skin growth" has been the greatest experience. He then chokes up and says that a million dollars couldn't buy what happened to him. But I think probably a ten spot could buy just about anyone a good shove into a fire if you ask the right person.
Paraphrasing Colby, Bryant says the environment and the elements were the dominant factors in the competition. None of the S16 choose to "quibble with that." Jeff is wearing makeup. Mrs. Donaldson is like Mr. Hanky -- leaving her crappy marks all over the place. Jeff says it seemed to get much harder after he left. He then says that Kucha had it easier because they were "kickin' Ogakor's butt." Bryant asks what the tribe's names mean and when Jeff starts to answer that "kucha" means "kangaroo," Bryant cuts him off and asks what Jeff really calls them; he says, "Ogaboring." I personally prefer what our very own posters came up with: the Ogre Corps. Colby good-humoredly tells Jeff the game is over, and Tina sounds serious when she adds, "Get over it!"