Survivor
Australia Reunion

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Lots of people turned up in Dallas to cheer on Colby. I think I can barely make out Colby's mom and her makeup working their way through the crowd with a blush brush and some spackle.

We next get to see Mad Dog's tape: she pops out of a dumpster and says she's been in there for seven weeks, so the Outback should be nothing. She's holding a dog collar in her hand and looking at it curiously. I'm not sure if we're supposed to think she found a dog in the dumpster and ate it. Bryant then shows a pretty picture of Mad Puppy holding a coffee cup and looking like she's giving attitude. Everyone hoots and hollers and Colby yelps, "Hello, Momma!" Which might not have helped all the "conjugal" speculation. Jerri says, "Bow. Wow," which for once I don't think she meant in a mean way. Bryant "No Runt" Gumbel then asks her if she's now at fighting weight, which is one rude-ass question. She drolly says, "Yes I am, Bryant," and thinks which of her cop friends she can call up to kick his ass. Oh wait -- she can do that herself.

Debb's been pretty quiet this whole time, and Bryant tells us she wasn't sure she wanted to be part of the reunion. Debb says she knew she didn't want to be part of it. She's upset because no one got a chance to know her, and the press tore her apart. It hasn't been fun, and there's "no way" she would do it again. Bryant says, "Bad trade? Three days in the Outback for your life being exposed?" A teary Debb agrees. She says the hardest part of the situation has been that, as a strong person, she's lost some of her belief in herself. Kel rubs her back. ["I thought that was the most phony-ass thing I'd ever seen. Had they ever even met?" -- Wing Chun] Bryant says, "You've already got it back," but I don't really see how. Kel leans over and kisses Debb. She just stares at him. Rodger reaches back and shakes her hand. And even my dear sweet Rodger stabbed Debb in the back by voting her off when he'd promised her he wouldn't, so that probably wasn't much consolation to her, either. Poor Debb. A person should be able to marry her stepson in peace.

Next, Bryant "Wanna Rumble?" Gumbel asks Kel if life isn't too short not to have forgiven Jerri. He answers, "I have forgiven Jerri...but I don't like her." Everyone goes hysterical over this, but it's not nearly as funny as when Talking Rudy Doll grumped, "I don't like 'er...and I never will!" of Stayfree Stillman last season. Kel says that Jerri won't get a Christmas card from him. Jerri tells Bryant that she doesn't ever expect everyone to like her. Bryant says, "There's a good bet." Jerri threatens Bryant with having to eat another meal with her. She then says that it's easier for some people to tell the difference between the game and real life. She turns around and tells Kel that she feels bad that he harbors anger and resentment against her. I read a book about conflict resolution once, and it said that when you were mad at someone, instead of saying, "You really piss me off when you blah blah blah," you're supposed to phrase it like, "It really makes me feel pissed off when you blah blah blah" so as to keep the other party from immediately going on the defensive. Well, that's exactly what Jerri does not do here. Anyway, Kel says it's the first time she's ever spoken to him, and she says that's what the day's for. He still won't send her a Christmas card, causing Hallmark to pull their advertising. Bryant asks whether Alicia will send Kimmi a Christmas card. She says, "I'm famous for that finger-wave," and Bryant has the footage all cued up. As the chicken fight plays, the S16 go nuts. That is one active finger. Bryant says that Kimmi called Alicia and wants to know why Alicia didn't call her back. Alicia says that the fight with Kimmi was the only negative part of her Survivor experience, and that she didn't want to bring herself down thinking about it. Now, though, "It's all good!" But not good enough, she says, for a Christmas card. Which is fine by Kimmi, since she's Jewish. Alicia says that she and Kimmi would not have gotten along in any environment, but that she still holds all the S16 closer to her heart, finishing with, "Gotta love you, Kimmi." Lamber volunteers that she's good at hiding her irritation with the others. She says she didn't want anyone to know of her negative feelings because then she might be voted off sooner. Bryant points out that Jerri would describe letting people know how she feels "being honest," and Jerri tells us that's how she kept her sanity: she expressed her emotions to the others and expected that they would do the same. Jerri is such a big person. Kimmi points out that she and Alicia tried going the getting-the- feelings-out route, and that it didn't work.

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