MONDO EXTRAS

Previously on Survivor: Ethan went home with a million dollars, and Kimj went home with her highly overrated self-respect. Lex Loser demonstrated a semblance of self-awareness during the Survivor Reunion with Bryant "See You Next Season" Gumbel, and Lindsey demonstrated no such thing.

Peachy voice-overs that, tonight, in the "Back from Africa" special, we'll take our "final adventure into the private lives of sixteen survivors." As much as I enjoyed Big Tom's antics, I'd prefer to stay far, far away from his "private" anythings.

The words "One Life-Changing Adventure" flash across the screen at the conclusion of the familiar credits, along with clips of the S16 at their homes, going about their business. Just to be clear: not "doing" their business. Peachy shows up on the Tribal Council set, looking very Euro-chic in head-to-toe black. That's not a compliment. He tells us that, tonight, we'll go beyond the game and "deeper into the lives" of the S16 "from the unexpected, to the revealing, to the families they came home to." The "unexpected," "revealing," and "families" mentions are each punctuated with a brief snippet we'll see again later, so I won't explain them out of context here. Except it bears repeating that Ethan's mother only cringes "a little" when her friends use the words "sexy" and "her son" in the same sentence.

Peachy tells us that the survivors have different ways of keeping their memories of Africa alive. We learn that Lex Loser brought back "a couple of baboon teeth." Except I thought Peachy said baboon teats at first, which would be so nasty. Then Kelly brags about having stolen Clarence's war paints. Our journey tonight, however, will begin with a man who picked "a more unusual way" to remember his tribemates.

Tom "Da Bomb" Buchanan stands amidst a crowd of animals and asks, "And Kim Johnson...where's that old goat at?" It turns out Tom has named his cattle after each of the S16. They're actually wearing name tags. Tom tells us that the animals share some of the same "cowacteristics" with their namesakes. I don't think he intended the pun. Seeing the animals in Africa was one of the greatest experiences of Tom's life. A clip from the hot-air balloon ride plays, and if I wanted to see crappy old clips, I'd just wait for the "special."