Survivor
Back from Africa

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Crap from Africa

As they sit together in a café, Lindsey's boyfriend calls her "fun." (Incidentally, I originally typed "cage" for "café," which would have been a lot more interesting.) Lindsey clearly wanted to be called beautiful and brilliant and merciful and kind as she responds, "You're with me because I'm fun?" He stares at her, and then insists as if trying to convince himself: "You are, sometimes?" Lindsey demands that her boyfriend kiss her on the ski lift. She tells us in a confessional that she's too sensitive sometimes; she says the show loosened up and matured her. She admits that the way she handled her emotions in some situations wasn't positive, and that she grew a lot from it. Lindsey and her family sit around a dinner table; she cackles when her father cracks the awkward joke of asking her to go boil some water instead of the more funny joke of asking if she'd like some Midol for her menstrual cramps.

Frank "Dances with Elephants" Garrison chops wood in Odessa, New York. He tells us that we saw "the real deal" on Survivor, and that "Frank Garrison is not gonna change." Generally, people who talk about themselves in the third person should be carefully regarded. I remember reading somewhere that talking about oneself in the third person can be indicative of a psychosis. My grandmother talks about herself in the third person ("Look at Nanni's gnarly hands!" "Nanni won bingo!" "Nanni hit a dog so hard she knocked it out"), but I think all older people do that. In any case, Frank doesn't care whether we like him. We then see various clips of Frank in Africa bossing people around and obviously not caring if they like him, either. Frank's pregnant wife Polly tells us that she worried Frank would change dramatically during his time in Africa. But "Frank is Frank," she says, and three days after he returned, she knew he was the same guy: "The most charming, sweet and loveable person...and the biggest jerk in the next breath."

Frank wakes his daughters up at 5:01 AM. We then see a clip of Frank waking up his tribe. Because Frank wakes people up. He explains that his life's philosophy is to get up early in the morning. We see him kiss his wife and kids goodbye as they are packed into a car, as he adds to that philosophy kissing his family and going to work to "give the man 100%" and then returning home immediately. Frank carries his daughter and kisses her on the forehead. He offers to get his wife a cup of coffee, and she doesn't keel over from shock; he looks happy and proud of himself. Polly tells us that Frank is a loving father and husband, and that they found out she was pregnant with her third child the day before Frank got the call that he'd been selected for Survivor. She says that in his absence, "there was something missing in the whole family dynamics." Maybe Frank? She cites his enthusiasm for life and a zest for everything he does as the missing elements. Frank's daughter Jocelyn tells us that when she thinks of her father, she thinks of "huggin'" and sharing and "being a leader." If she actually moved, she'd be shifty, too. Maybe I think kids are just shifty in general? Frank walks through the woods with his daughters; he wears a red hat; his oldest daughter wears red gloves; and the baby wears a red hat. If this is to avoid being accidentally hunted, I'll bet it works. We see them from behind as his daughter puts her arm around his waist. He tells us he seeks to provide his family with food, shelter, and security, "but most importantly, love."

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Survivor

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