Survivor
Back from Africa

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Crap from Africa

Now Jessie is sitting on the floor of a bedroom as someone places a plate with several candles on it before her. Is she working a spell? Jessie tells us she loves her job at the sheriff's department, and then some random person says she's a good cop. I believe she's a good cop, but couldn't they find someone with a title to attest to that? Here in Baltimore, I could run out to the first corner and instantly find three people who'd attest to my being a good anything so long as it meant a quarter toward a forty of Mickey's for them. Jessie cracks a dumb joke about being "the coolest chick you'll ever know," and then we see shots of her in the boxing ring. She says the sport is a good stress reliever because all she has to think about is trying to knock out her competitor. Jessie's sister -- who looks just like Jessie -- "made" her apply for Survivor; she tells us that Jessie's a "tough girl." And now with the tough lips to match. Survivor was much harder than Jessie anticipated, and she never expected the water situation to be so bad. When she was voted off, she felt like she'd disappointed her sister. Jessie tells us that, after the show ended, she stayed in Africa for an extra month to help in a community project to build a lodge. She enjoyed working with the Masai, and thinks it's an experience she'll never forget.

A dust cloud stirs up in Africa because Brandon "Live with Regis!" Quinton is one feisty homosexual. He sits at the bar and rages, "Brandon was the hottest, sexiest smartest guy on Survivor. I know he didn't look like it, but Brandon was da bomb!" He then performs an exaggerated gang gesture which cracked us up. Brandon tells us that he may have his outlandish moments, but he was secure enough to go on a top-rated show and own up to his sexuality. He thinks the producers intentionally paired him with people who "would dislike [him] for that very reason." He then tries to say that he got along well with everyone, but we all saw the show, so I don't know who he thinks he's kidding. Brandon -- wearing a t-shirt that says "Pornstar" -- tells us that he's not a good bartender. He used to tell people flirtily, "You didn't come because you thought I'd make a good drink!" He then mixes a drink while telling a customer, "I always look good." Brandon's friend agrees that his talents as a bartender aren't commendable, and that "what he serves best is the attitude." We see Brandon demand that a customer tell Brandon what he wants. The perplexed customer responds, "A drink!" Brandon sips a concoction he's just made before serving it to a waiting costumer. Brandon tells us that he works in a leather bar with "big burly guys, and [he's] not that." So maybe that's why the old woman at the bar looks so confused. Brandon continues, "I'm just a little almost used-to-be-chicken kind of guy."

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Survivor

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