Survivor
Back From The Outback

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Rudy! Rudy!

Peachy props himself up against a torch and tells us that the final three S16 are each dealing with success differently. First we see Bozo the Keith, who is ordering people around in his kitchen. In an interview, a man asks Bozo the Keith if he’ll be making rice, and Bozo the Keith tells him not to “use that four-letter word with me.” Bozo the Keith explains that he went into Survivor playing for the million dollars because he’d declared bankruptcy several years ago. But now he’s discovered that there isn’t enough money in the world for him to do Survivor again -- he wouldn’t do that to his kids. Since finishing the game, he’s realized that it wasn’t about the money at all. We then see a montage of Bozo the Keith playing with his kids. Bozo the Keith tells us he was adopted -- which seems like a coincidence, because I’m sure I read somewhere that Tina was adopted too -- and acts as his father’s custodial guardian now because he has Alzheimer’s. He says his father can’t remember anything from day to day, which might be a good thing, because he can’t remember all the crappy things people said about Bozo the Keith during the show. We then see Bozo the Keith ask his father if he took his medicine, and his dad says, “What medicine?” But it sounds like his father is kidding, even we’re supposed to think he really cannot remember that he’s medicated. Bozo the Keith tells us he’s just a big kid trapped in a 41-year-old body. We then see Bozo the Keith motorcycling, boxing, and heavy-breathing in general; he says he loves playing tennis, but we don’t see that. He says that “chefs by nature are physical people; we touch, we feel, we smell.” And for all the criticism he took in the Outback, no one complained about the odor. Bozo the Keith says he takes ingredients and produces food that is “edible and delicious.” As opposed to the inedible and non-delicious kind. Bozo the Keith and his girlfriend dorkily dance on a boat. He says Katrin (because now we know that’s how it’s spelled) never saw the proposal coming. A Valerie Bertinelli-resembling Katrin busts on the proposal by saying that most people like to see the face of the person proposing to them during the proposal. Katrin then insists, “I think we’re gonna be okay. I really really love him,” but she doesn’t sound convinced. Bozo the Keith tells us he’s writing a book, Yes, I Can Cook Rice, and that he owes that to Jerri.

We next find out that Colby was living in West Texas and planning to leave before he went on Survivor. He tells us that his mom and her make-up reminded him that he’d be playing a game with strangers while in the Outback. Colby tells us Australia reminded him of West Texas, except for the kangaroos -- he says he doesn’t see many of those in West Texas. We then find out that his mom and her make-up also reminded him that he’d be returning to the company of people who loved him regardless of how he behaved while on the show, which sounds like a surreptitious way of advocating bad behavior. Colby and a bunch of equally smiley other people who resemble Colby play pool. Colby then tells us that getting on a television show was the easiest way to know who his friends were: the people who recognize he’s still “the same dork” he was in college. Colby’s mom and her make-up say that everyone who knows Colby also knew he wouldn’t lead an ordinary life. She says that “ever since his first tricycle” Colby “wanted to go as fast as possible.” Colby tells us that he’s not thinking in terms of the future but instead of the day-to-day. He doesn’t even have any goals.

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Survivor

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