Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
Joanna: A- | 520 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Sixteen Strangers, Two Giant Boobs, and One Just Peachy

Once the tribe is finally on land, Sarah's breasts leap from the raft into Rob's arms, and then she just struts up and down the beach while the others start building their camp. Except Sean, that is, who is too busy is rolling in the surf performing a one-man rendition of the most famous scene in From Here to Eternity. He tells us in a confessional that the feeling of reaching land was beyond words. Sadly enough, that doesn't stop him from trying. He says he'd never been near an ocean before because "in the hood, they don't have pools. You know, brothers don't really swim too much." Be that as it may, I have some difficulties -- having looked at his bio -- believing that neither the private Milton S. Hershey School nor the State University of New York had pools, either. With the help of Peter, Sean stops flailing about in the surf and crawls back into the raft. Then Hunter comes over and paws at him; he wants to know if Sean thinks he will "make it." Sean continues telling us in his confessional that he gets emotional when he thinks about the miracles God has performed for him. He concludes, "His hand was under the raft guiding us," and you'll have to excuse the rampant typos here, because my clerical skills deteriorate when I'm consumed by hysterical laughter. Because Sean's God has nothing better to do these days than carry around the fourth cast of Survivor on a raft in the middle of the South Pacific. Sean and Peter now stand in the water clasping each others' hands; Sean's eyes are closed and he's half-crying, half-laughing (which might describe how a lot of us are feeling as we watch this) as he thanks God for leading Maraamu to the shore. Peter looks like he's humoring him, but it's difficult to tell, and we don't know yet that Peter's a nutjob, too. Rob tells us in a confessional that Sean and Peter went into the "wata" and bonded; he refers to their actions as a "prayer/baptism revival." We then switch back to Sean shaking his head back and forth like Stevie Wonder and exalting, "We can do all things through Christ!" Rob tells us that this display revealed that Sean and Peter have already started playing the game, or else they are "definitely off their rockers." Hee. And what a trashily charming smile he has. Sean has finally settled down a bit; he's more quietly repeating his prayers while rocking back and forth in tandem with Peter. Peter has his eyes closed, too, which means neither man can see Rob watching, grimacing, and walking away.

Survivor

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