Survivor
Back To The Beach

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Sixteen Strangers, Two Giant Boobs, and One Just Peachy

Grunts and groans accompany an on-screen caption which reminds us that we've rejoined Rotu, and it's still Day One. As they paddle, one of the women complains that they haven't moved in the last half hour. Paschal tells us that the tribe wasn't making any progress and that they were totally exhausted. Then they start paddling in tandem, with The Moppet shouting out orders. Zoe tells us in a confessional that they were singing and trying to get some "sort of a rowing motion" like on "an old whaler there." She says it really brought the group together. Zoe talks like Jack Nicholson and has lips like The Joker. If she's not careful, she might have to be called The Zoeker. Then the tribe arrives on land, and cheering and hugging ensue. Paschal tells us that his first thought was to thank God for letting them land safely. Tammy says that they were psyched to have made it the first part of the way; she seems to think this is a really big accomplishment, like there was some chance they wouldn't actually make it to the island. The tribe does a hand-over-hand on their crate. Because that's what shipwrecked people do: cheer.

Maraamu, meanwhile, is still at float. In a heavily New England-accented confessional Peter tells us that rounding the final bend and seeing their tribe's flag on shore was a great feeling. Then Sean "Puff Catty" Rector tells us that during the final fifty yards, the tribe issued forth a "last heave" to reach land, but Sarah wasn't doing her part. An accompanying shot of Sarah shows that she is holding a staff and yelling at the others to stroke. She then realizes that she's forgotten something, and turns to order the tribe members hanging off the back of the raft to kick. Sean continues telling us that Sarah's arrival at Maraamu was "almost like Cleopatra" as we see a shot of her looking -- in addition to very breasty, for lack of a better word -- Cleopatra-like. Sean continues that during the last leg of the trip, "The servants were paddling and slaving and [Sarah was] sitting on the crate looking so maaaaaahvelous," and then he goes on about her "boobs hanging out" and her "goldilocks in the air." But doesn't Sarah have brown hair? And Sean -- annoying as Sarah already is -- evidently has some issues with the bosoms. More clips: Sarah stands in the middle of the raft while the other members of Maraamu swim it to shore; Sarah squats in the middle of the raft while the other members of Maraamu walk the raft up the beach. Because it's so much easier to haul a raft out of the water when there's a body on it. But really, no one fans her with a palm frond or feeds her grapes in either instance, so I don't know why Sean is making such a big deal of it. Sean finishes up his confessional by telling us that Sarah needs to "save it" because this is Survivor and "ain't nobody trying to look at [her] like that here." Except Rob and half of the viewing audience, anyway.

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