Beg, Barter, Steal

Episode Report Card
admin: B | 2 USERS: A+
Yo-Ho-Ho And A Bottle Of Dumb

Over at Drake, rather than being menaced by crabs, the tribe has decided to get boozed up and party. No, really. They snagged some beverages that are in big unlabeled glass jugs, so you know it's probably high-quality stuff. "I don't know if it's moonshine, wine, or just grain alcohol," says Burton in his irritating I-am-handsome voice. I'm thinking if he doesn't know the difference between wine and grain alcohol, he's not going to be serving me drinks anytime soon. He does allow that, no matter what it was, it tasted pretty good at the end of shelter-building day.

The drinking party at Drake offers our first glimpse of what a twit Idiot Jon is really going to turn out to be. As he starts to drink, he gradually unleashes his inner high-school freshman, leading Rupert to observe appropriately that Idiot Jon reminds him of the "troubled teens" with whom he works, who will just "pop off stoooopid stuff, y'know, talk about gettin' some 'honey,' or, smokin' somethin', drinkin' somethin'..." Proving that self-knowledge is not his forte, Idiot Jon interviews that his tremendous sense of humor and how much everyone loves him is a great advantage for him, because he's not strong or especially capable, but he's so funny that no one will be able to resist him. He doesn't seem to understand that he's basically a lot like Amazon Rob, only without that weirdly endearing quality that Amazon Rob had that made it very difficult to entirely dislike him. ["I would also add, to Amazon Rob's credit, that he seemed to have some sense of when he was losing his audience, whereupon he would shut up. Idiot Jon lacks this sense, apparently." -- Wing Chun] Christa does praise Idiot Jon's ability to lighten the mood, but even she admits that he's "a little obnoxious." It's a bad sign for Jon, because if he can't get the barely-coherent Christa rolling, he's not going to have much luck with the members of the team who are fully conscious. He's also one of those guys with absolutely no ability to tell when women are humoring him, which is one of the saddest things ever. As he progresses around the campfire from casual goofing to that weird level of indiscriminate swearing that some people find amusing when they're drunk and no one finds amusing when they're sober, some of the other tribe members look more and more obviously disgusted. Sandra interviews that she can't stand Jon: "He thinks it's cute, but it isn't." Well said. Jon takes a big swig off the bottle as we fade out.

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