Survivor
Beg, Barter, Steal

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Yo-Ho-Ho And A Bottle Of Dumb

Commercials. Oh, Haley Joel Osment, no!

At Morgan, Darrah, Nicole, and Ryan S. stroll along the beach where they just happen to run into a treasure chest set in a half-canoe. What a coincidence! When they open it, they find that it has mail in it. Despite the fact that there is no actual tree involved, they happily return to camp and tell the others that they have treemail. "Boatmail" doesn't sound as good, I suppose. Andrew reads the message out loud, and it is full of the usual treemail idiocy, including the insipid bad rhyming and the semi-nonsensical, ostensibly intriguing details. My favorite line is "Like pirates of old, it's the treasure you thirst." I swear, the more I watch this show, the more I thirst a margarita.

Once he's finished reviewing the clue, Andrew lies down to deliver an inspirational speech about how they just need to focus on the challenge for the relatively short time it will take to get through it. Because they are not exactly medallists from the Academic Decathlon, the rest of the tribe believes that this is a great flash of insight, and it inspires Nicole to suggest that the tribe officially appoint Andrew to be the leader. If he were smarter, Andrew would say, "You know, I'm happy to coordinate planning at the challenge, but I think we all should share leadership back here at camp." But he doesn't. He's all smirky like, "Oh, if you insist." He goes on to tell us in an interview that as they prepare for the challenge, the biggest problem facing the team is Osten's shorts, which do not want to stay up and often offer peeks at what Andrew calls "the crack of his bot-tom," emphasizing the middle "t" in a very prissy fashion. Another Blurred Crack Shot assaults us. Andrew explains that he and Ryan O. have promised Osten that in order to avoid any unnecessary embarrassment, they will drop their shorts as well if he has trouble with his. It seems to me that the sight of the three of them dropping their pants is likely to lead to embarrassment for someone. We just don't know for whom, and with all the blurring, we probably won't find out.

The teams row to Snapping Duck Bay (do ducks snap?), where Peachy is waiting in the jungle to send them on this week's immunity challenge. Of course, it has a purported pirate theme. According to Peachy, one of the things that pirates had to do was transport the booty, so this week's challenge involves hauling and dragging a heavy cannon over an obstacle course, eventually ending with a drag across the beach to the finish line. The course involves two fences through which they'll have to pass the pieces of the cannon, meaning they'll have to disassemble it to get it through. There's also a sort of rock field where they'll have to boot the rocks out of the way to get the cannon through. They also have to have someone carry the tribe flag and one person carry the torch the whole way. I have no idea why that stupid detail was thrown in, except that eight people can't all push a cannon at the same time. It's also time for Peachy to reveal the immunity idol. He pulls back a fringed cloth to reveal an axe with a skull impaled on top of it. Wow, classy. Looks a little like a souvenir from an '80s hair band concert, but...all right. Everyone applauds. After some more random shots of the torch and American Skull Idol, it's time for the race to begin.

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Survivor

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