Survivor
Beg, Barter, Steal

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Yo-Ho-Ho And A Bottle Of Dumb

Drake is immediately off to a running start, with Morgan following in a sort of dragging start. "Morgan Trailing," says the caption. The cannons are dragged across the dirt. Drake is first to reach the fence, so they get to the business of taking apart their cannon. Both teams wind up stalled at the fence together, and Drake's lead in arriving as well as an apparently superior performance at cannon breakdown and reassembly stake them to a good lead heading out of the fence obstacle. As Drake runs off with their cannon, you can see Jon and Christa (who's carrying the flag) arranging logs in the path to slow Morgan down. Ooh, sneaky. Morgan finally gets its act together and gets on its way. Drake reaches the part of the course with all the rocks and logs that have to be moved, and while they seem daunted at first, they fairly quickly get down to business.

Along about here, Osten complains to Ryan O. that his shorts are coming down, and Ryan realizes that it's time to employ the shorts-taking-off strategy discussed earlier. "What are you guys doin'?" Peachy asks with some confusion as he sees Osten and Ryan getting naked. He points out that Osten -- who doesn't have a shirt on either -- is a Survivor first in completing a nude challenge. As Andrew joins the boys in going pants-free, Peachy comments that the ones who are naked are "not the ones anybody wants to see." Excuse me? Speak for yourself, there, you selfish little stone fruit. "They better hope they don't lose their weenies out here," Sandra says plainly. I'm starting to really value her ability to cut right to the chase. I would add that Tijuana's ass is also blurred here, so I think she's got her skirt hiked up so high that her coverage is suffering, too. Finally, the tribes get the rocks moved and get going again. "Drake Leading," says the caption. Then we cut back to a shot of Morgan, featuring enormous blurred naked asses right in the middle of the screen. The caption -- which last time said, "Morgan Trailing" -- now says "Morgan Behind." HA! Aaaand the post-production guys get their first fruit basket of the new season. Drake remains ahead, Morgan remains behind (hee), and we approach the next obstacle, which is just kind of a bunch of wooden poles and stuff that you have to get through. Burton starts crushing through the wood, picturing all the sex he's going to get after the show for this. Rupert starts to offer genuine, caveman-like grunts as he shoves the cannon forward through the muddy course. "MMMWWWAAAAH!" he offers.

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Survivor

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