Beg, Barter, Steal

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 2 USERS: A+
Yo-Ho-Ho And A Bottle Of Dumb

We move to the beach. "Drake Leading," says the caption. At this point, Drake has a lead of several cannon-lengths and looks safely headed for the flag. Peachy admonishes that the cannons are heavy, and will require strong dragging to make it across the sand and to the finish line. Not only this, but it's clear that if you hit the wrong patch of sand and it's too wet or too unstable, you can abruptly find yourself stuck, which happens to Drake about halfway to the finish. They pull and tug in earnest while Morgan comes up beside them and actually manages to pass. I'm sort of appalled at the amount of standing around that Drake seems to be doing while they're being passed by Morgan. Once Drake gets itself freed up, it is, as Peachy says, a surprisingly tense "sprint to the finish." I'd point out that for all his failings, Ryan S. is dragging his ass off during this segment, clearly straining for all he's worth to get to the finish line. As they head for the finish line, Morgan now manages to get itself stuck. They tug and tug and tug, but Drake comes up on them and passes again. Drake drags across the finish line and Peachy declares them victorious. A lot of very, very tired people collapse on the beach, utterly worn out. "We didn't even have to get naked!" yells Shawn, like the huge gloating asshole that he is. Peachy hands over the immunity idol, and while Drake celebrates loudly and rather ungraciously, Peachy reminds Morgan that the next time he sees them, they'll be there to vote somebody off. Rupert cuddles the immunity skull as we head out.

Commercials. Derek Jeter needs credit to go out? I don't think I get it.

Back at Drake, the mood is merry. Some of the tribemates are having a swim, and Rupert is explaining that when Morgan passed them on the course, he "was ready to puke and cry." Hee. That reminds me of a line from a true story once told in the St. Paul paper in its Bulletin Board column, in which a kid who was heartbroken at having accidentally hurt his friend with a hockey stick earnestly told the friend by manner of apology, "I coulda barfed my heart out." Anyway, Shawn, scratching his leg in an interview, brags that they beat Morgan not on strength, but on "will power." Eh. "Dude, there was [sic] too many naked men behind us," Burton says, managing to discuss gang nudity without having a single witty or interesting thing to say about it, which is quite an accomplishment, really. Michelle explains in an interview that when she saw guys with their "junk hanging out like nobody's business," she shielded her delicate eyes so she wouldn't see it. "Their asses were in my face!" she complains during the Swim-N-Gloat. "I wasn't impressed...I wish their dingalings got stuck on a vine," Sandra interviews with a smirk and her usual directness. You know, if Sandra wrote recaps, they would be two pages long. Rupert next interviews that when he saw "them idiots bouncing around naked in the mud, in the muck, in the stickers and the was hilarious." The gloaters agree as they bathe that what's really cool is the fact that they don't have to send anybody home.

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