Big Ball, Big Mouth, Big Trouble

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Two For The Price Of One

Nakum is sitting out Lydia. I know that they can't possibly be sitting her out of every challenge because you can't sit the same person in back-to-back challenges, but God, it certainly always seems like they sit her out. Jeff says, "We'll randomly draw for each round." So that's one question answered.

First round puts Steph and Cindy against Amy and Danni. (Remember, girl-wise, Yaxha only has Amy and Danni, a fact that will become important later.) Ready...go! Cindy and Steph reach the ball first and get a lead of a few inches as a result. Danni's extremely short shorts take center stage as she shows off her quite impressive ass. Part of the trick to this challenge, it turns out, is that there are trees around the course against which you can get pinned, and past which you have to move the ball. Basically, the way this one ends, Amy and Danni figure out how to roll the ball around the end before Steph and Cindy learn to adjust fast enough. So that's a point for Yaxha.

The next round pits Brandon and Bobby Jon against Judd and Jamie. My favorite part of this one is how it starts, and how Farmer Beavis and Bobby Jon, in particular, just wham themselves into the side of the ball with all their strength. Of course, by then, Judd and Jamie are there, so it's like slamming themselves into a brick wall. This comes down to Large Guys Pushing Against Each Other. Farmer Beavis gets knocked over a couple of times, and ultimately, Judd and Jamie take the round. When the ball goes over the line, Jamie turns for a general victory yell, not really directed at anyone, and Bobby Jon chooses this moment to lose his shit. He gets right up in Jamie's face and bumps his chest, screaming like a crazy person the entire time. Some people think they hear "that's what I like to see" coming out of his mouth, some think they hear "that's not nice"...I, personally, can't make heads or tails of it. He's just being Bobby Jon, and that thing that makes him babble meaninglessly in that honey-drenched-bale-of-hay kind of way is showing its other side. He does say something that sounds like "that's not nice" or "that's not right" or something at the end, but mostly, he's just screaming because he's nutty and kind of a sore loser. Everybody else kind of stares, like..."Ooooookay." This is where, on Friends, they would say, "The word you're looking for is...anywaaaaay...."

Next round pits Judd and Steph against Gary and Amy. It's a good thing, since Judd and Steph are the only people Judd and Steph consider good enough to compete alongside Judd and Steph. Ready? Go! After a bit of a tussle, Amy gets herself turned around the wrong way and falls under the side of the ball, but really, her issue is that she twisted her ankle on the way down. That same old damn ankle. And she is in a lot of pain. She's lying on the ground for a bit, Gary single-handedly holding off Judd and Steph. Amy recovers as well as she can and gets back on her side of the ball. But she can barely stand, and in the end, Gary and Amy take the defeat and Nakum is up 2-1. I'm sure Stephenie went home and told herself how lucky she was not to be stuck ["back" -- Wing Chun] on the team with the injured ankle, because I'm not at all convinced Steph and Judd would have taken that round had Amy been 100%. I'm sure Steph took note. I mean, don't you think? I bet she was like, "I got to come back for a second run, and then I got rid of the lady with the bum ankle! I cannot believe how much better my luck is than almost everyone who's ever played, ever!" I can almost hear her. Gary walks Amy off the field.

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